Teaching at Namwianga

Happy Friday afternoon! I am just getting back from teaching one of my two classes at Namwianga. I have the 11th grade girls in two sections (11A on Tuesday and 11B on Friday) and am teaching them on sexual purity. I have spent a lot of time working on the curriculum I am now using and this is probably the most nervous I've been teaching for many reasons. The first time I met with them (last week) I just used the time to introduce myself and the class and then gave them time to write any question they had about sexual purity, sex, relationships, marriage, etc. I told them I didn't want them to put their names on their sheet of paper and that I wanted them to spread out around the classroom so they wouldn't worry about their classmates trying to see what they were writing. I told them to fold their paper in half when they were finished and that I would come collect it, but I would not read any of the papers until I got back to my house. I wanted them to feel safe that they could ask anything and not feel like they would be singled out or secrets told to the rest of the class. I was hoping to get at least a couple good questions I could incorporate in my teaching. What I got blew me away. I want to share with you what they wrote, word for word, their own questions and stories. We hear facts all the time, but these girls each I see face to face. They are my classes and real girls with real questions and pasts. Please remember them in your prayers.

Here it is: *WARNING: This is verbatim what they wrote. It may be shocking and language we wouldn't even think of using at a Christian school, but please see it as their young hearts crying out for someone to guide them and help them. Thank you.

-How can I put it? You have a boyfriend and he pressures you into having sex with him. No matter how much you deny him he still won’t let it go and always says that he love you. He tries by all means to sleep with you and says the words “I love you” so convincingly that you end up having sex with him. Do you think that you can become pure again? Because the fact that you slept with someone before marriage haunts you every time and the thought that God won’t forgive you for break the rules haunts you.

-What do you do if you have got a boyfriend with a short temper?

-Is it normal to have a boyfriend who is younger than you but taller than you?

-What must I do if my parents love and trust me but they don’t expect me to have a boyfriend?

-Is it good to have a boyfriend when still in secondary school?

-I have a boyfriend at home. Here at school I am going out with a grade 12 since soon they will be closing. About 10 boys have been coming to me asking me out. What should I do?

-Since I came to this school I have got no close friends and my only friend for real – she is closed to me. She knows everything about my sex/dating life, but I don’t know about hers. Some times she tells me about herself in an indirect manner and she laughs at me about the things I tell her. Should I continue with her or what?

-Boys like touching my body and I have strong feelings for men. What should I do for men to stop doing these bad things to me?

-I had my first boyfriend when I was 13. We were never intimate in any way except that he disliked seeing me with other guys. Our relationship wasn’t the way I expected it to be, though we never broke up. I heard from my friends when I was 14 that he had a new girlfriend. That same year, another boy at my school asked me out and I accepted him. It wasn’t me who accepted, but my cousin accepted on my behalf since they were friends. I got used to him and felt comfortable with him around me and were intimate. We use to kiss and hug a lot. We even bathed together, but we never had sex or touched each other in our private parts. He went out with me for a year. Then, he dumped me and I have no idea why. I never asked him. I do club, listen to music and read the Bible.

-How long do you need to take before saying yes to a guy?

-Is it normal to be single?

-What can you do if you love a guy and he does not propose to you?

-For example, if you are in a relationship, then the guy dumps you when you still love him, what can you do?

-What can you do if the boyfriend is telling you to do things you do not feel like doing? e.g. Like sex and kissing

-Is it right to say yes to a guy you don’t have feelings for if he keeps on troubling you?

-Is it right to have a boyfriend at this age?

-If the boy just loves you for sex, what should you do?

-But some people say, “If you have not done sex at 15 and above years, then during your time when you will be married it will be hard for you to do sex.” How true is that?

-A lot of girls believe that if they cannot have sex then they should masturbate. Is masturbation right before God?

-Is it right to have a boyfriend even when you don’t kiss and have sex?

-At what stage should a girl start to date a guy?

-Is it okay not to have feelings for the opposite sex?

-What can you do if you are sexually abused by someone you trust, for example your dad, and you are so scared to tell anybody?

-My friends have boyfriends, but I don’t have one because I fell I can’t have one, but they pressure me to have a boyfriend.

-What can you do if your boyfriend asks you to have sex all the time you meet and when you refuse he stops talking to you and you love that person so much?

-How can I make him understand that I love him and I want to wait to have sex until after marriage?

-I always ask myself everyday, “What is life without sex?”

-Why is that my friend enjoys life with sex?

-How can I avoid such friends (who enjoy sex) and get my boyfriend to stop telling me about sex?

-What can I do for me to avoid sex?

-Which age is normal for a boy/girl to have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

-Is it allowed to kiss/smooch when you are in a relationship?

-How can you know that the guy you are dating is serious?

-There are sometimes when a guy is deeply in love with you and he trusts you a lot. Then all of a sudden you meet someone else and you are interested in the other one than the first guy. Is it allowed to dump the first one and go to the one you have just met because he is the one you love?

-My boyfriend is not a virgin but I am. He is loving and caring. Sometimes he asks me about sex, like when am I ready to have sex. Recently he asked me whether sex would keep a relationship stronger. I told him no because I had a feeling that’s what he was up to and I’ve seen it with many girls. Once she has sex with her boyfriend he dumps her. Truthfully I sometimes think he wants sex from me. So my question is, is it really sex that he wants or am I just thinking ahead?

-Can God forgive you after having sex because you did not know what you were doing?

-I want to ask this question, a certain friend of mine was forced to abort her pregnancy because it was her elder brother’s pregnancy. Thieves attacked them and forced them to have sex and then she fell pregnant. Will god ever forgive her for accepting to kill the baby?

-Is God able to forgive people who have sex before marriage?

-Can God forgive or punish people who have sex with other married men and then blackmail them saying that it’s their child while it’s not because they are prostitutes?

-What is being impure?

-How does someone become impure?

-What leads people to be impure?

-Is it wrong to watch pornography movies as a Christian at the age of 18 years?

-Is it wrong to have sex at the age of 18 years?

-For example, I have a boyfriend. Is it wrong or is it right for me to kiss him? (smooche)

-I want to ask this: What is the right age of having a boyfriend?

-What is being in purity?

-What are the disadvantages to a person who is in purity and how does it affect him/her? What are the advantages?

-How can a person come closer to God and be a pure Christian?

-Is it wrong when you choose to stop going out with a guy after you have sex, but you stopped when you heard about instructions and good advice? Is it forgiven?

-Is it right to have sex with a guy who is willing to spend his entire life with you?

-What advice can you give to me if I am dating a guy my parents don’t like?

-What can I do in order to stop being friends with boys who make me feel emotionally high each time I see or chat with them?

-What advice can you give me if I am keeping something that affects me seriously from my parents?

-Is it wrong to tell a boy that you like him?

-What are people in a relationship expected to do?

-How can you know that the boyfriend you are dating is given to you by God?

-At what age can God allow someone to be in a relationship?

-What can one do if she likes playing guys and she wants to change?

-Is it right to kiss, but not to have sex in a relationship?

-What can one do if a friend snatched away her boyfriend?

-What can one do if she happened to find out that the boyfriend kissed another girl?

-What can one do to stop her boyfriend from drinking and smoking?

-Is it right to drink when you are depressed?

-How can you tell or prove is a guy really likes or loves you?

-How far should I go with a guy in a relationship with the absence of sex?

-What the most recommendable age for dating?

-Is it right to date a bad boy because you’re hoping he may change in the future?

-How much of my heart am I suppose to give in a relationship in order for me to prevent a heartbreak if all doesn’t go well?

-How can I date a boy my friends do not approve of and still keep my friends around?

-What if you had sex with a guy out of making him love you?

-Is it wrong to like a guy and you know that he likes you too, but not because he wants to have sex with you?

-Is it wrong to be in a relationship when you are still in school?

-What if you love someone and that person is not a Christian? Can you end the relationship or can you try to change him? What if he does not want to change for the better?

-Having sex before marriage is a sin, but some people say practice makes perfect. How can I advise such people?

-What of those who are pregnant before marriage and they abort because of parents?

-What of those who had sex before marriage… are they going to get married in life?

-I started dating my boyfriend some few months ago. People in my neighborhood say he is a sex addict. The problem is that I don’t know what to do when he asks for sex. I love this guy very much and I am afraid of losing him. What should I do?

-When is the right time to have sex?

-Is it a sin to allow a boy or man to touch any part of your body?

-Is it allowed by God to allow a boy or man finger f*** you or giving a boy or man a blow job?

-Is it sin to regret having the features on your body?

-Is it sin to want to be someone else, like maybe something…

-Can you be my playing mum? I have liked you.

-What would I do if I found out that my best friend is dating my boyfriend?

-Is it right for some to be having sex with the guy they do not like?

-If I like someone and that person does not like me, is it right to let go of that person?

-Is it right to have sex with a guy because you love them?

-What would happen to a girl who starts having sex at any early age, like at the age of 12?

-Why do older men rape young girls?

-Is it right for a Christian to, at times, play songs like hip-hop, R&B, and regga?

-Does sex affect any of your sex organs? Can it cause some to have sharp pain in the side?

-Is it right for a girl to tell a boy that she loves him?

-If you see a big girl going after a young boy is it right to tell them that they are not doing the right thing?

-At what age is one person suppose to start dating boys as in according to the Bible?

-Why do people get mentally affected when they have sex at a tender age?

-I love this boy, but the problem is that he has dated my sister before so is it wrong to date someone who has dated your sister?

-How do you know that a guy really loves you?

-Is it wrong to kiss before marriage?

-How true is it that the first time you have sex it hurts?

-How can you avoid falling in love with the wrong person?

-Why is it that most school relationships do not work and most of them just end up in hatred for each other?

-Are there faithful boys in this world or maybe each and every boy is unfaithful (in relationships)?

-Is it wrong to date a man who is like 12 years older than you?

-What can you do if people/friends do not approve of your relationship with the guy you love?

-What can you do if you feel your friends are looking for a girlfriend for your boyfriend?

-What is the whole purpose of having a boyfriend at the age of 18 and below because obviously by then you are not ready to get married?

-What can you do when you fall in love with the same girl (guy?) as your best friend?

-Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?

-If you have sex with your boyfriend when you are still in high school but gets to get married to him, is that a sin that you had sex before marriage?

-Is it right for a girl to ask a guy out?

-Is kissing a sin?

-Why do some people date their cousins and is it wrong?

-Is it true that it’s better to break your virginity when you are still young because it hurts more when you grow up?

-What are the advantages and disadvantages of dating a classmate?

-How can you tell that a guy is just playing with your mind, but pretending to love you?

-What causes fear between two people when they like each other?

-Is it wrong to have three boyfriends at the same time?

-Since most guys play with our minds, is it wrong for us girls to play with their mind as well as dating them for their money?

-Is it wrong to flirt?

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These girls just want someone to be honest with them and to know that God still loves them. It screams so loudly to me - the statistics in Zambia say that 90% of girls will have sex by choice or by force by the age of 14. I think of my girls from BLAST... 90% of them?!? I can't imagine that.. and yet that's the reality these girls live in and men here view it as their right to have sex with whomever, whenever... Zambia is still an animalistic culture. God, please show me how to show these girls Your love and amazing plans for each one of them!

This week I made journals for each of them... well not the journals themselves, but I made a cover for each of them with their name... I made EACH one different... yep 35 different designs! I'm hoping that they will use them to journal their thoughts and questions as we work through this course together. Here are a couple of pictures of the all the journals!