13 August 2009

Hi everyone!
Wow! It’s almost the end of our winter here. The Zambians say August marks the beginning of spring. J Yay for a short winter!

So my past week and a half have pretty much been taking care of Anna. God has taught me so much from taking care of this precious little girl. It’s been such a privilege to take care of her through the first few weeks of her life. I’ve got to watch her discover her hands and how her arms can move and her ability to hold things. I’ve got to laugh as she’s discovered that she can grab her ears, play with her hair, and even poke herself in the eye. I’ve got to hold her while giving her a bath and see her be completely afraid of water and then love to just be held all wrapped up in a towel afterwards. I’ve spent a few hours every night with her laying on my chest fast asleep… in fact that’s been her favorite position to sleep in. Every time I’d try to lay her back down on her pillows she’d fuss and cry until I picked her back up and laid her down on my chest again. Since I don’t have a crib or even extra mosquito net she’s slept in my bed with me every night. It’s become a comfort and I believe I’ll be lonely for a while at nights after she goes to the orphanage. She gets the hiccups at least twice a day – usually while she’s half sleeping and her entire little body shakes and usually causes her eyes to pop open. She makes some of the funniest sounds when she is sleeping and is quite the mover already in her sleep. Sometimes she just makes little noises, but other times snorts or makes sounds that sound like a tugboat. At night it usually wakes me up and I check her to see if she’s awake, but most of the times she’s still sound asleep.

All of these little things and so many more I know I will never forget. However, at the same time I feel sad - sad for her and for her family. She will grow up without an actual family although the aunties (as they call the house mothers) will take great care of her. She will never know her real mom and most likely never her real dad. And some days I’ve gotten frustrated or angry with her – usually over something little which I know she can’t really help anyways – but it’s shown me in such greater awareness how God created babies to be born within a marriage. I’ve often thought how much easier it would be to have Paul here helping me with Anna. Not that I could dump her off on him whenever she was fussy or couldn’t poop, but to just have someone else to share it all with and to have him to be able to help – to share the load of all of what it means to care for a newborn.

Many of my prayers this past week and a half have been for Anna – that she will grow up knowing God and that He will use her in mighty ways. I pray that she will know and embrace His love – that she will always know in her heart what an incredible masterpiece God has, is, and will always be making within her. I also pray for her mother – that she knew God before she died and that someday she and Anna will be able to meet in heaven. I can’t imagine growing up without a mom. I love my Mom so much and while she agitated me something fierce sometimes when I was growing up I would never trade her for anything. So many of the good characteristics within myself I know I got from my mom. I look up to my Mom so much and am so grateful so all she has been and continues to be in my life. She is such an incredible, Godly woman and I hope I will be like her when I am a mom.

Spending these past 13 days with Anna has opened my heart up even more to the orphans of Zambia. I wish I could just take care of them all. I know that’s not possible though so I’ve been wrestling through what exactly is my part – what it is that God calling me to do. As much as I would love to hold and love on orphans my mind cannot seem to feel at peace with just do that. Each time I hold a little one I think of the parents they should have had and why so many have to live without parents. God keeps bringing it back to my heart the reason He called me here. As daunting as teaching about sexual purity is to me because of my life and because of how big of an issue it is here – this time with Anna has just pressed upon my heart more of the need for it. I sit here looking at her now sleeping next to me all wrapped up in one of her blankets and my thoughts go to her mother. Did she have someone to teach her how precious she is to God – how God loves her unconditionally – how God desired for her to guard her heart and wait for Him to bring the right man into her life – how He wanted her to experience the joy of children within the sanctity and stability of marriage? So many more questions race through my head. Children are suppose to be a joy and children here are so important as it guarantees that you will have someone or some ones to take care of you when you get older and continue the family, but what happens when the parents don’t live long enough to take care of their children – or if they just drop them off some place because they can’t take care of them. This is not the life God dreamed for His children to have. Spending this time caring for Anna has helped me know in my heart just how important the discipleship course on purity that I’m beginning to form is. I pray that it will be God’s words and just His everything – nothing of my own will remain – that it will only be God. My prayer is that what I have the opportunity at Namwianga to teach about will create life change at the heart level of the girls I am going to teach – that they will then be equipped and feel called to teach others what they have learned. I don’t wish it to be something they can simply repeat when asked – but more so that it will be something that they take to heart, that penetrates every nook and cranny within them, that it will become their heartbeat, and that it will create lasting changes in their lives. I pray for their unborn children’s sake that they will remain not just physically pure, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually pure until they are married.

Other than caring for Anna I’ve also had the opportunity to meet with two young women from church whom I will most likely start a discipleship course with here at the house. Maureen is 20 (I think) and lives with her mom, her older brother Clifford (I think I’ve mentioned him in previous letters/blogs), her younger brother Max, and for now her older brother, his wife, and their baby boy are also living with them. She wants to go to teaching school in Livingston starting next year although now she is also thinking maybe she’d like to become a nurse. She is such a joy and is always full of energy and takes pleasure in the simplest thing in life. The other girl is Tendai who is 16 and an only child, which is very rare for a Zambian family. Actually her mom is Zambian, but her father is from Zimbabwe. She doesn’t talk about her father so I do not know if he has passed away or just is not a part of the picture anymore. Tendai has a lot of confidence, which again is rare for a Zambian and especially a female Zambian. She reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger although she is more outspoken with her thoughts than I was at her age. She’s quite pretty which also gets her attention from a lot of males. I feel like this point in her life is crucial – she can be either molded into an amazing Godly woman or get stuck in thinking the way she views the world now will be how the world always is as she becomes an adult. Both ladies have been wonderfully receptive and open to beginning a discipleship relationship.


So once again I thought I was going to update my blog and you all a week and a half ago. But that did not happen. I’m not really sure what I thought I was going to write about, but the last week and a half have been a blur of activity and developments that have caused me to forget what it was I was going to write about.

We are still without a water pump. Our first one melted down and short-circuited. We still have no idea how that happened, but it’s not fixable. The Jones’ picked us up another one in Lusaka this past Monday (the 10th). Mike came and tried to install it only to find out that this pump was broken to begin with. So we have to return this second one and try again. No water pump means no water pressure which means no hot water. I’ve been showering once a week at the Jones’ house. Then throughout the week I just sort of sponge bath. I just can’t bring myself to take a completely cold shower. With no water pump though we’re left to rely on town water again, which means having water is only a spontaneous occasion. Laundry and dishes have taken on a new dimension, as we have to fetch water in buckets from our cistern to fill the sink and washer. It’s quite a good workout. It’s nothing near what most Zambian women have to do though as they can walk up to 6km twice a day to fetch water and most carry it on their heads!

Anna went to Mapampi on the 3rd of this month and Linda keeps me updated on how she’s doing. She’s growing big and eating well still. She seems to really like being out in the bush at the orphanage as much as one can tell what a baby likes. J Next time Linda and Mike go out they told me they’d let me know so I can come with if I am free so that I can see Anna again. I still miss having her with me – especially at night. It’s funny. I wake up pretty much every three hours at night still. Even when I take Tylenol PM to try to sleep through the night my body still wakes up every three hours.

This month has been a lot of planning so far. I’m speaking at the national youth convention and have decided to stay for the whole convention. I’ll be in Choma with all the youth from the 24th – the 29th of this month. I’m hoping that it will be a good time for me to learn more about their culture, the youth, and to hear the other speakers in what messages they share and how they convey what they feel is important to the youth. I’m praying that God will use my commitment of being there for the whole week to speak to my level of commitment to the youth here in Kalomo as well as show me more of how to teach/share in ways, which translate well to Zambians.

I’m also spending a lot of time working on my purity discipleship program that I will start in September at Namwianga. I’ve been doing reading and research and am now trying to incorporate all the main concepts I want to cover into the outline that I have started. The students are on break for this month so I don’t know that I’ll have lots of meetings this month with people at Namwianga, but maybe if some teachers and students are still around I may be able to meet with them. It’s still quite daunting to me and I’m not sure what exactly it’s going to look like still as far as being a class girls have to attend or more of a club that is optional for them or if I teach it in their dorms. I’m praying that God gives me direction in the best way to proceed because how it is going to be organized will change the dynamics and the style in which I am able to teach the material. At this point I’m not sure which way would be best. Prayers for Namwianga, this curriculum, and for me would be deeply treasured.

I had the chance this past week to also visit Maureen and Tendai at their homes. Maureen lives a good 45-minute walk away. She lives in a small mud brick hut that we are unsure if it will last through the rainy season. Yet she still invited me over and wanted to show me around where she lives. She has been to our house, which could easily fit five or more of her houses inside, but she understand that this worldly home is not her final destination. She and her family still have so much joy even though they do not have many material possessions. There is one common room and then two sleeping rooms that are separated only by a curtain. They have power, but I believe it comes from a solar panel hooked up to a car battery, which is hooked up to an inverter and then allows them to have limited power. It’s a great testimony to who she is – that she knows her joy and worth do not come from earthly positions, but rather from God the Father. It was such a blessing to be in her home and to spend time with her and her family.

Tendai lives in town near Mike and Linda. It takes maybe 25 minutes to walk to her house. She lives with her mom, her two aunts, and two uncles although at least one of her uncles is working somewhere north of Kalomo so isn’t living with them right now. They have a solid house, nice yard, a television, satellite TV, power, actual bedrooms, and collections of different things such as stuffed animals and posters. Their wealth and house size still is below the average American family, but by Zambian standards they are quite well off. Tendai doesn’t act like she is better than everyone else. She is confident and sometimes that others can mistake as her being stuck up, but she is one of the friendliest and accepting people I have met here. I had lunch with her and then we played Monopoly and volleyball in the afternoon. I think that she be may more lonely than she lets on. She kept telling me how busy she is and all the people she has to go see, but she definitely did not want me to leave until I absolutely had to in order to get back home for Rob’s birthday dinner and celebration.

Rob turned 39 last Friday. He said it’s the last birthday he’s going to celebrate. The kids all made him cards and presents. Since I had made signs for Katriya and Isaiah for their birthday – the whole draw their name out big and decorate each bubble letter in a different way – Rob told me as he was reading the kids’ cards that he was expecting a sign for him too. As if I would disappoint! J I pulled one that I had made for him out of my bag and Christa just laughed and laughed. Rob was so excited. I knew he was going to ask me if I had made him one and he seemed genuinely happy to actually get his own sign. Christa’s birthday is next month and I’m not sure if she’ll be as excited about getting her name done up in art, but it’s tradition now. J

Last week we also made it to Namwianga twice. Some times I’m there and I don’t feel as moved as other times. I’m sure it’s normal, but I almost feel bad that my heart doesn’t break sometimes I’m there. I don’t want to get accustomed to it and just feel like it’s a normal and acceptable that these babies aren’t getting the medical attention and love they desperately need. Some struggle so hard every day just to live. I’ve really grown attached to a few of the babies. Sam still is one of the first boys I go see when I get there. He loves to be tickled and cuddled with. He has a great little laugh and recognizes me now when I come. He sometimes now cries when I don’t pick him up first and when I come into the room he stretches his arms up at me. He has big eyes that seem to always be exploring everything around him that he can see. The other boy my heart has grown attached to is Shawn. He is a big boy like Sam is, but he seems to always be sad. He’s not necessarily one of the cutest boys and he’s not a premature baby like several of the others in the same room as him so I wonder if he gets passed over often as people come in to hold the babies. He has already developed coping behaviors where he rocks his head back and forth pretty forcefully when he is tired as if he is rocking himself to sleep. When I pick him up he just snuggles his head into my chest and grabs onto my shirtsleeves with his little hands. I still can’t get him to laugh like I do Sam, but he stops rocking his head back and forth and seems to be at peace as I hold him. The other girls in the beds next to Sam I have also grown to love playing with. They’re learning to sit up so I take time helping each of them – Mary, Bethany, and Donna. Bethany has some of the most expressive eyes. She’s a big baby as well and is now teething which means she wants to put everything – including my fingers – into her mouth! Of course I still take my turn in holding the little ones as they have bottles. I can’t stand to see them just propped to be fed. When I hold them they just stare in my eyes, they stop crying and fussing, they seem to be more at peace, and they eat well. Seth is getting big and can hold his own head up now. Lydia is finally growing into her eyes – her eyes use to take over her face, but she is finally growing into them. Dow is having porridge mixed with his formula to try to help him keep his food down – he’s been throwing all his formula back up almost immediately after he eats for the past month now. Rachel has been moved into the HIV positive room and still is just a tiny little baby. Cintia is definitely growing and she also has a great big smile and a twinkle in her eyes! Peter is also growing, but has learned that if he cries more he’ll be picked up more. It’s amazing how fast all these babies learn behaviors and even coping habits.

On Sunday Rob, Christa, and the kids went to a bush church up north as Rob had been asked to speak. I stayed here in Kalomo as I had already promised several people to be at church. Clifford preached and overall did an excellent job. The Bible teaching here really focuses on the prosperity promises – that God will bless you richly if you follow Him. It’s one of the biggest downfalls of the church here. Yes God promises to bless us – but it’s not always in the ways or timing we think. It is so much more a heavenly promise. God doesn’t say that we won’t face trouble and hardships here on earth, but many Zambian churches seem to fall into that misconception. Clifford taught on answered prayer and the congregation seemed to really listen and believe what he was teaching. It was encouraging to see people respond and hopefully really learn that they have power in their own prayers – that they don’t have to just rely on professional pastors to pray for them, but that they have the same power within themselves.

Sunday afternoon I headed back to the church for Bible study and then we all went to the Kalomo Basic School for games. I finally was taught the basics of netball. The best way I can relate it to an American game is that it is like basketball except that you can’t run/dribble when you have the ball, there is no backboard on the hoop, you have to shoot within an arc and all baskets are worth one point. You also have to shoot on one foot. I really don’t understand that rule and I kept asking why and all anyone could tell me is that it’s just a rule. Games are 45 minutes long and it is a male sport as well as female although it seems to be more popular among the females. I think it’s mainly because females aren’t allowed to play football (American soccer) where as males are allowed.

Sunday night I met with Rob and Christa to talk about ministry plans. Since being here their vision has taken on a much different shape then they originally came here with. I’m not going to write about it at this time because they are still processing it and working through exactly what God wants it to look like. Their focus is still orphaned and vulnerable children, but it doesn’t not seem like we will partner completely or be incorporated under any other mission organization here in Zambia. We’re still partnering with organizations in different things, but there are things that the Murphys feel called to do which will be outside of what anyone else is already doing here in Zambia. As they share more about their ministry I’ll do my best to fill you all in, but I want to honor them by letting them be the ones to share about it first.

On Monday the 10th I had Bible study in the morning with just Tendai. On Sunday Maureen sprained her knee playing netball so she was unable to make the walk here. I had made journals for Tendai and Maureen. I was able to give Tendai hers and challenged her to really use it – to write down what she learns in her quiet times and to write out the questions she has. I’m hoping this will help her be more committed to spending time in the Bible and allow me to give her assignments every week as I begin to disciple her. I’m going to visit Maureen on Saturday and will give her the journal I designed for her then.

On Tuesday, Rob and Christa went to the Zimba for the day so that Christa could shadow their doctor friend at the mission hospital there and so that Rob could visit with people they knew when they lived in Zimba 10 years ago. This meant I had all five kids all day long! It was actually a very enjoyable day. I was able to set up rules and consistent discipline so it wasn’t as much of a zoo as it is on most days here. In the morning I played games with Acacia and Christianna including Junior Monopoly, Crazy Eights, and War. I also did puzzles with Isaiah and Katriya. We had a snack in the morning and then I made grilled peanut butter and jelly (Mom, they REALLY love it as they’ve never had it before… who knew your way of getting us to eat stale bread would turn out to be a big hit here in Zambia J) along with snap peas, oranges, and half a banana. Shamariah had blended squash and avocado along with a mashed up banana. She really likes her squash! In the afternoon I helped them all make their own fort. The whole living room turned into a village of forts. They had so much fun in their own forts and visiting each other forts. In the afternoon Isaiah and Katriya also took their naps, Shamariah took her second nap, and the older girls had a 45 minute quiet time of reading books and resting. I used the time to get the diapers through the laundry, as I had to fetch water to wash, rinse, wash, rinse, and second rinse the diapers! After Acacia and Christianna’s rest time we played soccer in the backyard. They loved that I would just be silly with them and let them score on me some of the time. I also got to teach Acacia how to punt the ball and how to throw the ball as a goalkeeper. The neighbor kids came over and Isaiah and Katriya came out to join in when they woke up from their naps. When it got to about 5pm and I still had not heard from Rob and Christa I decided to start dinner. Shamariah woke up so I held her while I through some beef stroganoff together. Acacia didn’t want to eat without Rob and Christa so she called them and they said they were driving into Kalomo and would be home in a few minutes. We sat down and waited for them. Thirty minutes later or so they finally showed up! We had a good dinner and then I did the dishes as well as the kids wanted to hang out with Rob and Christa since they’d been gone all day. I didn’t mind doing it all as it was actually peaceful and calm. J

Yesterday I went into town to pick up groceries I needed for the week. Last week when I went to town I took Christianna with me so this time Acacia wanted to come with me. They’re so cute. They call it going on a date with me. J So we walked to town and got everything I needed. I took Acacia to El Pantano where I had taken Christianna and let her also get a drink. They both have a hard time making a decision on what drink to choose since it’s a big treat for them. Acacia wanted to go to the market to look for a shatangi (what Zambian women wear as a skirt over top a shorter skirt or pants). It is basically a long piece of fabric that goes from your waist to the ground and you wrap around yourself and then tuck it in so that it stays in place. Women also use shatangis to carry their babies on their backs. Christianna’s shatangi from the last time the Murphys were in Zambia got left in America so Acacia wanted to look for a shatangi like Christianna’s old one in order to surprise her. She couldn’t find what she was looking for, but I ended up finding one I really liked and that I got for a really good price. Most times shatangis are 13,000 to 16,000 kwacha. I got mine for 10,000 kwacha, which is two US dollars. Not bad for a skirt, eh? J

In the afternoon we went to Namwianga. I had so much fun playing with the little babies and felt a renewed energy being there. Two more girls from Oklahoma Christian University have come to stay for 9 months. One, Jana, is here primarily to help care for the babies at the orphanages. The other, Kelsey, is here to also connect with girls at the secondary school. She’s not exactly sure what she wants to do with them, but I think she’s thinking of mentoring some. I got to know them a little better yesterday while we were at Namwianga although I sort of felt a distancing from them. I don’t know if they’re just still adjusting to being here or not interested in forming a friendship, but I almost feel like I’m in high school and I’m intruding on their friend circle. All four of the girls that have come over the summer are staying until next February or April and they all have come from the same university so I definitely feel like an outsider – and I feel like they want it that way. I know I’m not completely a part of Namwianga so I don’t know if that adds to it… but yea… It’s just hard because I was looking forward to having other young females here and as hoping to connect with them. So far I just feel like they’re not really interested in forming a relationship with me. I don’t know if it’s a more perceived thing on my part then really is there… I guess I’ll just have to see with time. Please pray that I will invest in the right relationships that God desires for me to here – and if it isn’t with other Americans that I would be okay with it and that God would take away my feelings of loneliness in that area.

Well I’m finally caught up again! Ha! Today has been a pretty productive day. I’ve been able to get several emails out that I’ve needed to and I’ve caught up on my budget work and goals sheet. I still feel like I’d like more accountability in my time here. I don’t know where to exactly look to though. I just worry that if I’m not having to be accountable to someone that I can fall into acting like I’m on an extended vacation – not that I’m not doing anything, but I sometimes worry that I’m not being as purposeful with my time as I should be some days. I don’t know. I know I can’t force people to keep me accountable though and I know that sometimes I can be too task focused so when I feel like I’m not getting ‘things’ done I can feel unproductive. Investing in people is harder to measure productivity wise so it’s a learning process for me to let go of my task focused nature somewhat.

Tonight I made smoosh – the mash potatoes, carrots, and cheese kind – and tossed in some fresh spring onions with it. It was amazing if I do say so myself. I also made chocolate peanut butter fudge. The reaction by the Murphys told me I needed to put some in a Rubbermaid tub of my own for my fridge if I wanted any for the next few days. Acacia asked if I could make dinner every night because it’s always so good. I just laughed. She reminds me a little of myself in the blunt, abrupt ways she says things. I’m not sure if she realizes that the things she says can really upset other people sometimes. It’s probably one of the things about myself that I’ve worked the hardest on over the years. Some of the things I said without really thinking about how they would come across to others I can still replay in my head years later. I think that’s why it’s so hard with Acacia sometimes because it reminds me of all the times I knowingly and unknowingly hurt others with my words. It was a good dinner and again I did the major part of the cleaning up. It’s worth it to me just to do the work so that I don’t have to hear anyone else fuss, whine, and complain about the amount of work that has to be done after dinner. It’s just easier this way.

Tomorrow I’m going with Mike and Linda to Livingston. I asked Linda if I could do lunch with her sometime this week and since they were already planning on going to Livingston she asked if I’d like to come with and do lunch down there. I’m looking forward to spending a relaxing day with them as well as picking up a couple of items that are hard to get here in Kalomo. I just realized that this will be my first trip without the Murphys. I mean I went to the bush the one day with Joann, but other than that one time every trip has been with all troops in tow. I’m hoping to get some feedback from Linda on the plans I have for the upcoming months and how to stay focused on the right things while I am here. Also, with Paul coming in a few weeks I want to just have someone on this side of the world that understands why I am nervous and excited for his coming to visit. Please pray that Paul would have an incredible experience here and that his interactions with people bring everyone closer together. There are personality differences, which I know will make this rather difficult, but with God nothing is impossible.

Well I should be going. Mike and Linda are picking me up at 6am tomorrow so we can get to Livingston before all the bad traffic makes the dirt road difficult to see down. I’m just waiting on my second load of laundry to finish in the dryer. Yep, that is two loads of laundry today with fetching the water by hand. It was a pretty good workout.

I hope you all are doing well. I miss you and would love to know what God is doing in each of your lives.

By His Grace & For His Glory,
Abbie Morehead