My Year In Zambia: July 2009

So I’m starting to feel better. I can at least pick my head off my pillow without feeling woozy. I’m sorry I haven’t updated in awhile, but I’ve been pretty sick. When we were at the orphanage last week there was a lot of vomiting and diarrhea and I think we brought it back home with us. Katriya and Isaiah were sick on Friday and while I wasn’t feeling quite like myself I wasn’t as bad as them. On Saturday Christianna was sick but I felt better so I went about my normal day (in hind sight not probably the best idea… especially the hour plus bike ride), but then Sunday I got hit hard again. Yesterday was mainly headache and feeling physically very weak, but so far today only a little headache – not that I’ve really tried to get up and do much.

Before I got sick though there has been a lot that’s been going on. Our satellite system finally got order and it is actually currently sitting in Lusaka at a warehouse facility. The next new hurdle that we just found out we have to get through is that we need to get it cleared through customs and pay the customs taxes on it or see if the ministry of finance will pay for the taxes so it can be cleared so we can actually pick it up and bring it here to Kalomo. *sigh* Nothing’s ever simple or straight forward here. According to the paperwork I read from the company shipping us the system was that all charges due agent were prepaid and the agent for us to contact in Lusaka was Manica Ltd. So naturally seeing the word agent I figured everything was already taken care of and this Manica Ltd place was our agent. So when the packages arrived in Lusaka 6 days late I was already frustrated and then on top of it found out that they are not our agent and I need to find someone or go to the ministry of finance. And not being in Lusaka adds another layer of complexity to this whole situation. And then being sick on top of that makes it just that much more stressful. The good news is that it’s no longer sitting in the airport in Nairobi, Kenya and we found a 3” in diameter pole (which Paul says will work (he thinks)) that we have purchased. So it’s coming together – just slowly. L

Ok, let’s see how my memory is with being sick and everything. I’ll do my best to recap the past two weeks. Ha!

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Tuesday the 16th of June I believe was Mike and Linda Jones’ 30th wedding anniversary. We made them dinner and I helped all the kids each make a card for them. They are such great people and have been such a blessing to have here in Kalomo. It’s kind of like having another set of parents. J Of course in the middle of dinner the power went out so we all sat still while Rob lit candles. Katriya seems to think it’s necessary to start crying/screaming when the power goes out at night so usually when it goes out I do my best to get to her to hold her so she doesn’t think everyone’s disappeared and left her. After dinner with the Jones, Isaiah “helped” me to the dishes. He more so just likes playing in the water, but it does help as he keeps stirring up the soapy water to make more bubbles. When the power goes out we lose water too as we now have the house hooked up to our water cistern, which requires an electric pump to pull the water out of the cistern and into the pipes to our house. So we had thankfully filled the sink before dinner when we had power, but we had to do all the dishes in the same water and by candlelight. We use about a capful of bleach in with the water to do the dishes. Basically we scrub them and wash them with soak and then dip them back into the water to rinse off most of the soap. Since the water isn’t the cleanest coming out of the faucet it’s actually cleaner to just rinse them in the soap/bleach water. It was quite the undertaking though to try to do them all in one sink of water since there were dishes for 10 people plus all the baking pans and pots! The Jones headed home while Isaiah and I were still doing dishes. Rob and Christa put the girls down while Isaiah still helped me. We finally finished and Isaiah was still all wound up. It was so cute to watch him and Rob play together for a little bit. Isaiah has one of the best little boy giggles ever! It’s already so evident how much he loves having the one on one attention from Rob.

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On Wednesday, the 17th, Mampi text messaged me asking if I had any books. She is the girl that lives in a neighborhood close to us that I met when I was out walking one day. She is a couple years younger than me, but does not have many friends around as she moved here to live with her grandmother. She grew up in Lusaka, but moved down here to try to find a job. She has been looking for about six months now I believe. She loves to read though and her English is excellent. I met her by the big tree where our road turns off from the Namwianga road and we walked back to the house. I do not know what she thought of our house as Zambians do not express emotions a lot. She seemed very interested in all my pictures I have hanging up. I got to show her Paul and everyone from BLAST and my family and friends I grew up with. She did say she liked my artwork that I’ve been doing since getting here. We talked for a little and she picked out two books to read. She said she only had two books at home so she was very thankful that I would let her borrow some of my books. She even gave me one of her two books so I could read what she had. I felt so honored that she would give me one of her two books. One of the books she picked out was on relationships and the other was on how to be sure you really know God.

While she was here Megan, from Namwianga, arrived to take the Murphys to the orphanage so the kids could play with the babies and Christa could do rounds again. Since Mampi was over I told the Murphys to just go without me. As much as I wanted to hold the babies again I had already committed to spending time with Mampi and I wanted to go to prayer service at the Pilgrim Wesleyan church. The church has prayer services every Wednesday and Friday from 5pm to about 6pm. I always wanted to go, but with dinner usually being around that time and with going to Namwianga on Wednesdays I hadn’t made it to any of the prayer services yet. Staying back at the house also gave me a chance to have some peace and quiet in the afternoon. I’ve realized just how much I appreciate just having peace and quiet sometimes. Living on my own for so long I had forgotten how much of a blessing it is to have peace and quiet. I spent the afternoon just reading and reflecting upon my time here in Zambia.

That evening I biked to church for the prayer service. What an experience! I was definitely not prepared for the service although I don’t know if anyone not use to this culture could be prepared. I’m not even sure I can accurately describe it. When I arrived there were about 20 people there sitting around outside. We headed into the church and sat in a circle. One lady shared what God had been teaching her out of Genesis and then they asked for any prayer requests. A few people shared, but I felt like people were holding back in a way. I do not know if it because I was there or that they are just not as open with each other as I’m use to back in America or if all of their prayer requests are the same so it’s more of an understanding already existing so there isn’t a need to verbalize the needs they all have. A couple of the praise team members were there and they led us in a praise chorus. About a two minutes into the singing people started praying out loud – and I do mean out loud. They started to spread out around the church and were crying out to the Lord. It was one of the most authentic times of corporate prayer I feel I have ever been a part of. I could just feel the presence of the Holy Spirit so much in that place. Some prayed in English and some prayed in Tonga. They all prayed at the same time. Some stood still while others could not seem to help but to pace back and forth. All of them were loudly praising God – thanking Him for saving them and for everything He had blessed them with. They prayed with such fervor and power. It was so moving. At first it was startling, but as it continued I could just feel how much they all believed in Christ, in the power given to each of them in the Holy Spirit, and the conviction they had as they prayed for Jesus to be Lord of their lives and to work through everything in their lives. They prayed in Jesus’ name for Satan and all demonic forces to leave the church and every member in their church – to leave Kalomo, Zambia, and the world. Their passion was enthralling. I found it hard at times to concentrate on my prayers. It was such a learning experience. They had no fear in yelling at the devil in Jesus’ name! Their prayers were so moving. Their belief was incredible. I wish so much that everyone from home could see how they pray. I do wish that there were more present because if the whole church had prayer lives like the 20 or so people that were there – woah! The results would be breathtaking! I feel like my words cannot not even begin to adequately describe the power of the Holy Spirit in that room for the next half hour. They did not tire in their passion. At the end of the half hour they were still yelling just as loudly and mostly they were giving praise and glory to God for everything He had, is, and will do in their lives. These people who for the most part have so much less than Americans – they are just so much more thankful. And it’s not just for show. They were all praying at the same time so it wasn’t that they were praying for the attention of others listening to them. It was so amazing to hear their prayers. And to hear them just repeat the many names of God over and over – knowing that in those times they were listening to God and hearing Him answer their prayers. We finished our time singing another praise chorus. I’m still learning their praise songs and what they mean, but even to just listen to them lift their voices to the Lord brings me a sense of what heaven may be like. Their voices and songs are so beautiful. I was so glad I was finally able to make it to one of their prayer services. It was one of the most moving experiences of my time here yet.

As I said goodbye to everyone, Mrs. Mudenda (Pastor Richwell’s wife) asked me if I would share on Friday at the next prayer service. I asked if there was a topic and she said that they would just like me to share on whatever God was teaching me. It is such an honor to be asked to speak. I really want to learn from them what is important to them, but I also want to respect them. When they extend an invitation to me to teach it is because they respect me and want to learn from me as I have had the opportunity to have much more education than they have had. So I told her I would and she seemed very pleased that I had accepted her request.

I headed back to our house to find out that we did not have power again! Come to discover that one of the main transformers had caught fire and exploded in Lusaka. So all of Zambia was on rolling blackouts. Of course no one communicated exactly what time these blackouts would occur so there was no way to prepare by making hot meals when we did have power. Fun times… sort of. I have learned to be much more thankful in all things in my time here. I don’t think I’ll ever again just take for granted electricity, clean water, phone service, the Internet, paved roads, and so many other things that I grew up just always having in America.

Thursday we still didn’t have power back and I got a pretty bad migraine again by the afternoon. The Murphys had more meetings at Namwianga, but with my throbbing head I decided to stay home. By late afternoon there still was no power so I tried to make a coal fire like the Zambians do since Thursdays are my day to make dinner. I was sort of getting it going when the Murphys came back. Rob saw that I did not feel well at all and that we did not have power and told me to not worry about dinner. I felt bad, but was thankful that I could just come lay back down. I don’t think I did much else on Thursday with my migraine raging.

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Friday I felt better and worked on my devotion for that night’s prayer service. The most I am here the more I am learning that some of the very basic Christian disciplines are not a part of Zambian’s life. Praying and reading the Bible are practiced by a very small percentage of the congregation from what we can tell. The ones that do pray and study the Bible are incredible at it – they really take it all to heart and the impact it makes in their lives is evident. The large percentage though that do not are missing out on such incredible freedom in Christ.

The Murphys all decided to come to the prayer service with so all 8 of us made the walk to the church. Sometimes I find I lose my patience over the simple things – like how long it takes everyone to get ready and then the pace at which they walk – but I’m learning to give it over to God every day – to not carry my past impatience into the new day’s circumstances. I’m not always good at it, but I am getting better at remembering to give to God quicker when I do get short tempered.

I chose to speak on Hebrews 4:12-16. I feel that sometimes we think it’s enough to just read the Bible or hear someone else read it on Sundays. It’s something we check off our to do list instead of letting it change and shape our lives. Hebrews 4 speaks to that. It is written to encourage believers to see God’s Word as alive and having meaning for our entire lives. It is not enough to just read the Word, but we must also do what it says. We cannot have any secrets from God because He knows everything we do, say, think, and feel. And even though God knows everything about us he still loves us! The Bible is life-changing if we let it be. We have to let the Word penetrate us to our core – to divide our spirits between the good and bad in us – and then to remove the bad parts and work to continue in the good.

Pastor Richwell was there as well on Friday night and after I shared he piggybacked off that in how our lives should be full of truth and not lies. I could tell he was bothered by something and that what I had shared had brought something to the surface. I’m learning so much being here. As I let God move in me and direct my life, the things He is teaching me that I share with others seem to time and time again have other meanings and truths to those I am sharing with. It is such a privilege to get to see how others take what I am teaching and apply it to their lives. To hear others share after I teach or the questions they ask after I teach – regardless of how I sometimes question what I am teaching – like how I wonder why God is calling me to teach something or what truth it may hold to those I am teaching – regardless of it all I have seen how God is using it. It is touching lives and they are taking it to heart. God is using it to grow the youths and people in the church – to give them hope or guidance – it isn’t always in the way I imagine it will be received or applied, but I know I am not God. I do not know His plans or reasons. I feel blessed just to be being used by Him. The Bible is just becoming more and more alive to me as I see the truths held in it being lived out by the people we interact with as well as ourselves.

When we got back from the prayer service the power was still out so Christa started making sandwiches. I think there are only so many days in a row I can take have sandwiches for lunch and dinner. Shortly after we got back though the power came back on! I was so excited and started to make beef stroganoff, which I had wanted to make for Thursday dinner. The kids scarfed down their sandwiches and then asked for whatever I was making. They apparently can only fill up on sandwiches for so many days in a row as well. So we had sandwiches and beef stroganoff for supper. They do not have sour cream here in Zambia so Linda Jones told me that she makes sour cream by using dessert cream and adding in vinegar. It tastes pretty close to the same, but I do miss my Momma’s beef stroganoff. I’m also learning to use less spices. Some of the kids do not like spices at all or chewy meat. So I’m trying to not use as many spices and then just add them to my own plate after serving. It’s still a little different though.

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On Saturday I went to the church again in the afternoon for the youth group they are still trying to get started. We ended up having about five guys and one girl by the end of my time. I felt pretty discouraged. On Sundays when they have the youths stay after to give announcements to them there are about eighty or so youth there. To see only six come on Saturday makes me discouraged. I do not know if it is because they are all running errands for their families, which is the reason some have given me for not coming or if it is because they just do not have an interest in coming. They keep announcing it on Sundays, but I am wondering if this is really where God wants me to focus my energy or if there is something else He is calling me to. The leaders of the church really want it to happen, but the youths have to catch the vision for it and take ownership of it if it’s going to be something that impacts their lives.

Still I wanted to respect those who had come. I shared the story of Daniel in the Lions Den out of Daniel chapter 6. As I prepared and even as I taught God brought new things to my mind that I had never considered before in the story of Daniel in the lions’ den. First, when I was growing up I was always taught the story of Daniel and the lions’ den as if Daniel was a youth. As I studied the passage I found out that scholars believe Daniel was in his eighties when this story happened! It was different to view Daniel as an older man and facing this battle. The reason I had picked the passage was so that we could study the importance of being dedicated and disciplined in prayer. The fact that Daniel was much older than I had always been taught when I was kid made the power of his life even more impactful to me. He had been in Babylon for such a long time and yet he knew that God was using him there. He remained faithful and devoted to God throughout his life. His prayer life didn’t dissipate as he got older – if anything it got stronger. He knew that God was still using him and that God would protect him as long as God still had plans for him on this earth. As we studied the passage together as a group the other character who really stuck out to me was the king. So many times in this story all the attention goes to Daniel – to his faith and commitment to God. As I read it in my preparation and as we studied it together as a group my attention was drawn to the king. It was through Daniel’s commitment to prayer that the king’s eyes were open to the truth of God. The king at the beginning of this story wanted to make himself a God. By the end of the story the king realized that Daniel’s God was the only true, living God and decreed that all men, all nations, everyone of all languages should honor, obey, and serve God. What an incredible change of heart! Surely this sort of change does not happen without the only real God working through the lives of those who love him. I pray that I will be like Daniel – that no matter where I may go or whatever I may do – that others will see God and His Truth through my life. And Daniel didn’t hold the king’s actions against him because he knew that the king did not really want to hurt Daniel. The king had been tricked into making a law that would cause Daniel to have to be thrown into the lions’ den. But God redeemed the whole situation. He used what people tried to use for evil and destruction of one of God’s servants to bring another child back to Himself. The king coming to believe in God became a powerful influence in all the land. Daniel’s commitment to prayer resulted in the king coming into the true King’s presence.

It challenged me to be more devoted to prayer for we truly do not know the impact our prayers will have. Who am I praying for? Am I praying God sized prayers or prayers that could be answered only by my own works and words? How are you praying? Who do you pray for? God gives us all power in His name – power to do more than even Christ did. Do we truly realize this power and take hold of it in Jesus’ name? I think Daniel is becoming one of my favorite Bible characters. I love how God continues to show me new things as I read and study His Word. He truly is amazing. I pray that He continues to show me new things in Him and that I would be a faithful servant in communicating what He teaches me to those He calls me to.

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Sunday the 21st was Father’s Day and it made me miss my Daddy so much. I am so thankful for my Daddy and how close we have become. It is what I have always wanted. I love him so much and admire so much about him. I’m so glad we can talk now and that I can be honest about all of my life with him. It was so hard going through high school and part of college with the distance between us. I had to learn how to communicate with him my desire to just share life with him. I use to be so scared to disappoint him and while I still don’t want to disappoint my parents I feel free now to share with them the good and the bad about my life. Because I’ve been able to communicate with them at a deep level I’ve been able to feel in the deepest parts of me that they will always love me and support me. Sometimes just reading emails from my Daddy makes me cry. Not because they are sad emails, but because I just treasure so much the open communication we now have. It is such a blessing and I am so glad that there’s not a distance between us emotionally. It’s funny how much Paul and my Dad are alike. I knew I admired my Daddy and that Paul was like him in some ways, but I see more of my Dad in Paul all the time. It’s funny too because Paul still goes to my parents’ house on Sundays after he goes to church with them. My Dad runs the sound for the Midtown service and Paul has been helping with consulting as well as set up and tear down. So it made sense to me that they talked about that stuff and would email and call and such. But now my parents call Paul their third son. I mean it makes sense because he will be once we get married, but even when he cannot make it for a Sunday my mom says she’s sad that she doesn’t get to see her third son. Since I’ve been gone Paul’s still gone almost every Sunday for lunch/dinner with them and is usually there until 5pm or so! We truly are so blessed. I don’t know that I know of many other couples who get along so well with their in-laws. I mean I lived with Paul’s family before I moved here to Zambia and they keep asking when I’m coming home because they miss me. And then Paul sees my parents every week and hangs out with them. I’m glad that my Dad and Paul have each other to talk to. They think so much alike about pretty much everything. So when Paul disagrees with me about something he also now says that my Dad would disagree with me too. It’s pretty funny because I know he’s usually right.

Anyways, so Sunday was kind of hard with not being able to see my Daddy for Father’s Day. They don’t celebrate Mother’s or Father’s Day here in Zambia so we were trying to explain to them at church why we have these holidays in America. They said yes they understood, but often Zambians won’t tell you if they don’t understand or they’ll even say yes to things they want to say no to. They don’t want to disappoint anyone or make them feel bad by saying no or that they don’t understand. It’s frustrating sometimes because I wonder how much they actually understand or what their real opinions are.

Acacia and Christianna wanted to make the day really special for Rob so they made him cards, presents, and all kinds of desserts. Isaiah had a hard time understanding what exactly was going on because his birthday was on Friday (the 26th) and so he thought everything was for him. It was really cute though to see all the kids wanting their daddy to feel special. They made cookies, jello, and apple crisp. It was quite the undertaking on Saturday. Let’s just say there were lots and lots and lots and lots of dishes to be done! And with the kitchen still in it’s makeshift stage of only one table/countertop space and two 35 gallon Rubbermaid containers to hold food and pots and pans it was like a tornado had gone off in it!

Sunday afternoons I am really enjoying because all of the Murphys take a nap so it gives me a chance to do some writing in the afternoon without it sounding like I’m living in the middle of a zoo. J That evening after the kids went down Rob, Christa, and I had our sort of weekly logistics meeting. I know we’re all still relatively new, but I really hope these meetings become more regular. The organizational, detail person in me is going a little stir crazy with everything being up in the air. Even if plans have to change throughout the week just having an idea of what’s going to be going on for the week or goals for the week I think would really help. Anyway, I finally got up the courage to talk with Rob about a couple things that had been bothering me. I don’t know why I get so scared of confrontation. I’ve never liked it though and I get all worked up inside over thinking about it. It’d been on my mind though for several days and I thought that it may have been contributing to my not feeling so well and getting migraines more recently. Sometimes I feel like Rob does not take me seriously when I say things or suggest ideas. But he replies in a laughing way that makes it sound like what I’m suggesting or bringing up is a joke so it doesn’t leave room for me to say that I feel strongly about what I’ve said or brought up. Come to find out Christa can feel the same way too. Rob’s personality is one of joking a lot of the time so when he was doing it he wasn’t meaning it to negate what I was saying or make me feel diminished. He was glad I said something to him and that he would try harder to be intentional in recognizing what I’m saying and not making a joke of it. It was one of the bigger conversations we’ve had since moving here. I knew that my perception of Rob and Christa would change some living with them. I just didn’t know how hard that adjustment would be for me. They have been people I’ve looked up for so long. Rob was the first person to challenge me to consider going into youth ministry myself. They have been very instrumental in big choices I’ve made throughout my life since high school. I didn’t intentionally set them up on a pedestal, but it seems that I have. Since moving here I’ve gotten to see their entire lives up close as they have seen mine as well. There are more things that I admire about them, but there are other things that have changed as well – like there is with all people because we aren’t perfect. It’s been a good lesson for me in not setting up anything to idolize – that God is the one and only who deserves our worship. It’s been eye opening for me to look at the rest of my life as well to see if there’s anything else I’ve set up higher than I should be. It’s been hard at time though, but I know it is for the best. The harder part now is spending more time focusing on the strengths of the people around me than on the flaws. I know I want people to look at my strengths and play to them instead of tearing me down by picking at my flaws. I pray that we will grow as a team together and that God will show us how the melding of all our strengths together with Him makes a complete body. I pray that nothing will fall through the cracks and that God will help us be a complete ministry in the big things and in the small things. Yea, something like that. I hate when I can’t get the right words to come out. I sit here and think about the same sentence so many times and still when I write it sometimes it’s not at all how I want it to come out. But I know God redeems it and will use it how He wants to. I’m not perfect and will never be. It reminds me of my need for Jesus though and for that I wouldn’t trade all the perfect words in the world.

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Onto Monday the 22nd – this week has been the hardest for me yet. It’s Creation week back home and with Paul and everyone else there it made me very, very homesick. It felt so strange to not be there. It doesn’t feel like June without Creation. Creation is where Paul and I met. Creation is where Paul blindfolded and drove me to in order to surprise me when he proposed to me. J I wish I could have been there. I prayed so much all week for everyone there. I can’t wait to be there next year, but I know that God still did amazing things there this year. I’m excited when we get better Internet (which p.s. has been ordered and is sitting currently in Lusaka waiting for the right paperwork to come in so we only have to pay a little more than $100 rather than the $1300 plus without the paperwork!!!) and I can actually look at everyone’s pictures from this year! Paul of course filled me in on all the details every day. It wasn’t the same not being there though.

Anyway, Monday Mampi came back over. She had already finished the one book no relationships and wanted another. She is definitely a fast reader. She said she really enjoyed it and couldn’t wait to have another to read. I asked her if she had any questions on what she was reading and she said not yet. I’m hoping that once she finishes the book on knowing God that we’ll be able to discuss that one some. Other than Mampi visiting Monday and Tuesday passed without too much excitement. I read some, spent time doing some art work, worked on my next Saturday youth group lesson, and helped with the kids. I’m getting the hang of my bike even though I still only have second gear in the front and random gears in the back. It’s quite the adventure biking through deep sand and down steeper ravines! It’s quite the accomplishment for me though since before coming to Zambia I had only biked once (the week before I moved to Zambia and only because Paul made me) since I split my chin open going over the handlebars of my bike in the 4th grade. Since then I was terrified of bikes so actually going for bike rides for fun is a big accomplishment for me. J

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Wednesday I went with everyone to the orphanages again at Namwianga. There are just so many pressing needs that are so obvious there. There are about 12 babies per room and four rooms total in the infant orphanage. They are trying to teach the caregivers the importance of holding the babies while they have their bottles and why it’s important for the babies to be held more than just to bathe them and change their diapers. Yet it doesn’t seem to be catching on. Culturally babies are carried on their mother’s back in a shatange (sp?) almost all the time. They are getting that physical touch that is important for babies as they develop. These babies at the orphanage mostly just lay in their cribs. Some of them have already developed coping habits of learning to rock their heads back and forth as they lay in the beds. They just look so sad. And yet as soon as you pick them up they snuggle into you and are just as content as can be. We were there for about three hours or so and the whole time I spent picking one baby up after another to help feed them so they wouldn’t just be propped in their beds with their bottles. Many of them are underweight for their age. It’s hard to tell how many months old they are because many are just so small. Lydia is about 6 months and yet she is still only about 6 lbs – the same weight that she was at when she came to the orphanage. I know it’s a lot of work to be a caregiver there, but the babies aren’t even burped so a lot of them aspirate and end up coughing up all their food. So they’re eating, but it’s not staying down so they’re not really getting any of the nutrition from it. Seth is another one of the really little ones. The nipples on the bottles are just so big, too. I held him and rocked him after he ate until he fell asleep in my arms. His tiny little body is so frail. They have him in pajamas, but as I held him I could feel that under the pajamas he was just skin and bones. There is no reason why he should be so small. Yes he is HIV positive, but we know that there are medical technologies available that allows HIV positive babies to grow up into healthy adults. It breaks my heart so see these babies and see them struggling so hard to just live when it doesn’t have to be this way. Yet Seth was just happy as can be to be held. It was like I could feel his body relax – that he knew he was safe. His little hand grasped my finger and his big round eyes just stared up at me. I rocked him in my arms and sang to him until he fell asleep. He is so precious. He is God’s masterpiece just as much as you and I are. God has great dreams for his life. I wonder if he will get to live them out. So much pain and hurt and it doesn’t need to be this way. I know things are slower here, but it makes me mad in a way because the technology is available… it’s a matter of getting them to recognize all this and then teaching and training Zambians… it’s so hard to see this pain and suffering when it just doesn’t have to be this way.

After Seth fell asleep I put him back in his bed and moved onto the next little one that was taking his bottle while laying down. His name is Sam. Sam is also HIV positive, but he is a big boy! He has one of the best smiles and laughs. He is a happy kid and on the outside appears to be happy. He’s learning how to roll himself over and is fascinated by everything he can touch and see. He is probably about three times the weight of Seth. It made me wonder why some of the babies seem to be doing so much better than others. Sam and I played for a while and he chugged down two bottles. He was enthralled with my necklace and although sometimes it hurt when he tugged on it hard, I didn’t want to stop him. To see him so full of life and being explorative like babies should be brought me so much joy. His giggle would make him laugh harder and it was such a blessing to hear laughter in a place where so many of the babies are crying.

I put him back in his bed tough as there were so many others laying in their beds struggling to hold their bottles to feed themselves. I wish I could have held them all at once. The Murphys all went over to the toddler house, but I couldn’t pull myself away from the needs that were right before my eyes. I wish I could have brought them all home with me too… to give them the love and attention that you can see in their eyes that they desperately are craving. It was hard leaving that afternoon. It didn’t matter that one of them has thrown up all over me, that some had very smelly diapers, and that some had cried the whole time in my arms – it was all worth it to be able to love on them even if only for a few hours.

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Thursday the Murphys all went to Livingston as their friend Brian was flying in from the States to spend three weeks here with us. Brian is a carpenter/general contractor so he was going to come help fix and build things here at the house. Lea was coming to clean though like she normally did on Thursdays so I opted to stay home to be here so she could come clean the house. Rob had also scheduled Ozzie and a friend of his to come slash part of the field next to our yard so that if our neighbors burned their fields it wouldn’t catch our grass fence on fire as well. If no one was going to be home they’d have to reschedule with Lea for the cleaning and Ozzie and his friend for cutting a space between our fence and the neighboring plots. I also was looking forward to having a quiet day to reflect on the day before and to continue to seek God’s direction for my time here as I still feel like I haven’t quite found my niche. I also wanted to have dinner ready for when everyone got home that evening. I know how crazy and hectic the day trips I’ve taken with the Murphys have been so I thought that having a dinner to come home too might be a nice relief for them. Things always just take longer than you expect when you have five kids with you. J By the time Lea had finished cleaning it was the middle of the afternoon and I needed to start thinking about dinner plans. Ozzie and his friend never showed though so I was a little frustrated because I was putting off going to town to get supplies until they showed up. I ended up not getting to go to town so I made due with ingredients I had at the house. Isaiah’s birthday was the next day and since I knew how much he loves pizza so I decided it would be a pre birthday dinner for him in a way. I had it made and baked by 6:30 as the Murphys had said they were going to be home by 6. Of course everything takes longer here in Zambia so they didn’t end up getting home until about 7. Everyone was exhausted from the day so it was a rather quick dinner and then bedtime for the little ones.

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Friday I woke up with another one of my migraines. I’m not sure exactly why I’m getting them so much more frequently and they’re pretty much my entire head where as my migraines I use to get were usually just one side of my head or the other. It concerns me a little, but there’s not much else I can do but drink lots of water, take ibuprofen, and rest in the dark. It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m missing out on so much, but it’s not like I can do anything else but rest when I do get them. It’s given me lots and lots of time with God though… not that I really think that I’m thinking to clearly or deeply. But God knows though why He’s allowing me to have them and what He wants to do through them. He uses all things to His glory if we will let him. That was pretty much my entire day on Friday – just laying in bed with my curtains closed and the fan on to drown out some of the sporadic noise outside.

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Saturday I felt better though so I headed to the church in the morning as I was asked to come on Saturday to help get things ready for Pastor Richwell’s farewell party. Pastor Richwell had been offered a pastoral position in Lusaka and had accepted so the church was throwing him a farewell party. They were expecting pastors from around the area and Lusaka to be in attendance so it was a big to do. They had asked the previous Sunday for me to come help decorate and clean since I’m still considered a youth since I am not yet married. When I showed up most people were just sitting around. Apparently they had had an all night prayer service so many were just getting up and starting on the cooking for the day. I helped them move some things out of one room and into the chicken coop that the church has. World Hope was also there drilling a new bore hole. Apparently their other one stopped working and even though they now have town water they were drilling another bore hole. Usually people wait until the end of the dry season to drill new bore holes, but I guess they just know how deep they need to go here. There was another American with them and a lady from Japan. I talked with them a bit and got to know what they are here in Zambia doing with World Hope.

It was around lunch time by then and most people were still just sitting around so I excused myself and walked to town. Laura from Namwianga happened to be in town so I had tea with her spontaneously. They are moving back to America in August I think. I’m sad because I feel like she would be a great older mentor. She is so sweet and has so much experience to be able to share. Her husband, Don, is sick though and they think it may be the cancer returning so they need to move back to the States to get him proper medical treatment. As I was having tea with her the Gregersens arrived. I had asked them earlier that week if I could go with them to Lusaka if our satellite system arrived in town since they were planning a trip to go up on Sunday. They asked me if I was able to locate our satellite system. It had arrived in Lusaka, but we were still trying to figure out how much it was going to cost us to get out through customs if we didn’t have the duty free papers ready. They said just to let them know when I figured it out. They were planning on leaving in the afternoon on Sunday. They’re such nice people, too. I’m enjoying getting to know all of the missionaries at Namwianga.

I picked up some bread in town and then came back home to make a late lunch. Saturdays are the day when we have youth meetings at the church so I got my stuff together and biked back to the church. Pastor Richwell and some of the other leaders were around, but other than them the only people at the church were those doing the cooking for the farewell party the next day. I sat with them awhile to wait and see if any of the youth would show up. After about half an hour I was finally told that the program would probably not happen today because all the youths were being sent on errands to prepare for the farewell party tomorrow. It’s a little frustration the lack of communication that takes place. I don’t mind visiting with them, but if they had already know that the Saturday programs were not taking place why not tell me in the morning when I came? I am slowly learning that on a whole Zambians will not tell you something unless you ask just the right question. I don’t know why this is. It might be because they like to have the power and so not disclosing voluntarily what they know gives them the upper hand. Or maybe it’s because they’re just not culturally taught to share what they know with others. I’m not sure why exactly, but I do know that it’s very frustrating and it makes the simplest of things so much more complex and longer to do than it should.

I left the church feeling frustrated so I decided to go for a bike ride. The road to Namwianga has been finished so it is a packed down dirt road now instead of a bumpy, sand road. People fly down it though now. It’s a little scary. Anyway, that road connects to a back road that cuts across Namwianga to the seven fountains road that I normally bike down when I’m just biking for exercise. It ended up taking me a little over an hour to make the bike ride. I walked part of the uphill portions because biking through sand and against the wind my knees just can’t quite take yet. It felt good though to be able to do a longer bike ride. The land here is just so beautiful. The sun setting is always gorgeous. It lights up all the clouds in the sky and outlines the trees and tall grasses. That God put this much attention and detail into creation takes my breath away sometimes. I can see how after He created it all He said it was good.

When I got back home I was pretty exhausted so I showered and called it an early night. The next morning I felt a little queasy, but Rob was teaching Sunday school and it was the farewell services for Pastor Richwell so I made myself get up and get ready. I made it through Sunday school, but part way into the service I started to feel really sick. I got on my bike and pedaled as quickly home as I could without getting sick while biking. I made it into my room, but not much further. The rest of the day I laid in bed and tried a few crackers and some water. I had no energy though and had a pretty significant headache along with it. I slept off and on, but did not feel any better any of the times I woke up.

Monday through Wednesday was pretty much the same story. I had a wicked bad migraine continuously and did not have much of an appetite. I seemed to feel better when I was laying my head down so for the most part I rested and watched movies when my head wasn’t pounding. I really am disliking the increase in frequency of these migraines. Although this time may have been from something from the orphanage because Christianna, Isaiah, and Katriya all spent days being sick too. I was the only one with the really bad headache though. A lot of the babies at the orphanage had been sick with diarrhea and vomiting so it’s quite possible we picked something up from them.

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On Thursday I was finally feeling better so I biked into town to get groceries and some more phone time. By the time I got back I was a little winded. It’s amazing how being out of commission for a couple of days can reduce your endurance levels as much as it does. When the Murphys went down to Livingston to pick up Brian I had them pick me a couple things up. One of which was a potato masher (and another was a coffee maker so on days I really miss home I can make coffee and feel like I’m a little closer to home!!!). I didn’t realize how much I was going to miss mash potatoes! I decided on making shepherd’s pie because it’s pretty easy and I’d get to make mash potatoes. It was an easy dinner and everyone again liked it. It was good to be back up and around. I felt like I had been laying in bed forever even though it had only been four days. On Thursday when I was in town I also found out that I was suppose to speak at the youth conference at the church that weekend. I asked if there was a program and they said they were working on one. They would call and let me know when they got it finished. By the time I went to bed I still had not heard from them. I wasn’t too surprised though.

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Friday morning I was awakened to my phone ringing. It was just after six in the morning! It was the youth director from the church calling me to tell me I was scheduled to speak at 9am and Rob was on the program for 10am. I asked if there was a topic and was told they didn’t think so. So I worked on a message from Romans 8 able being more than conquerors in Christ. I arrived at church a few minutes before nine. As I sat down one of the leaders leaned over to me and asked if I was ready to speak on prayer. I was like what??? I asked for a copy of the program and to my surprise there on the program was my name for 9am and following it was the topic of prayer! Great! Well like I was always taught at Eastern: be ready to preach, pray, or die at a moment’s notice. I was thankful for my lesson on Daniel chapter 6 the other Saturday! I quickly texted Rob to tell him his topic was salvation since he was working on preparing to teach the next hour. Keswell translated for me. He’s great. He’s pretty skinny even for a Zambian, but he wears a suit a lot so his shoulders look bigger than they really are. He stands with his shoulders hunched over a little. I just want to pat him on the head like you would a little cute kid – even though he’s probably the same age as I am if not older than me. Anyway, he was my translator which I was thankful for because he does a good job of translating. They don’t translate exactly the same words that you’re saying, but more so the same thought that you are communicating. It’s still a challenge at times for me to speak with a translator. I have to use shorter sentences much more. Once you find a translator that works well with you though you want to stick with them as much as possible because you can find a good rhythm.

The message went well – at least I think so. The Zambians don’t show emotion most of the time so it’s hard sometimes to determine if what you’re saying is having an impact on them or if it’s getting through to them at all. After I finished one of the leaders for the conference asked questions about what I had just taught on. They couldn’t cite the verses, but they knew the answers to the theme questions and application questions. I asked the leaders if they had a copy of the program for me to look at after I finished speaking and they told me they sent the only copy of the program to the printer to be copied. They did know that I was on the program again for 15 hrs (3pm) and that there wasn’t a topic for me for my second talk. I asked them if they were sure and they said yes so I had to take them at their word.

I stayed for Rob’s talk then on salvation as he wanted me to videotape his talk and take pictures of him speaking. At least he had an hour to prepare. He had also talked about salvation at Sunday school the week before so he basically reuse that talk. J He had Clifford as his translator who he has nicknamed the big red dog. He thinks he’s pretty funny, but I don’t think the Zambians understand his jokes all the time. Clifford and him have a pretty good rhythm though and Clifford understands when Rob is trying to be funny and communicates in his translation that Rob is making a joke. The Zambians are catching on that Rob actually wants them to laugh at him. Rob’s talk went well and he gave an alter call at the end. Zambians are very spiritually hungry people, but they will also accept pretty much anything preached to them. We wonder how much they actually understand and internalize it because we sometimes already see the same people coming forward to receive Christ again and again. They want to just be sure that they are saved. For instance out of the 40 or so people that were there Friday morning I’d say about 37 came forward to receive Christ. Who are we to judge though if they are really receiving Christ or not? It is exciting though that they are willing to come forward and say that they need to receive Christ – to say the prayer and to call on the name of Jesus.

I walked home with Rob and we talked about how hard it is to know if you’re really getting through to them. That’s part of the reason I really want to be able to disciple a handful of Zambian females while I am here. I feel that an on-going deep relationship will be more fruitful than a one and done preaching time allows us to be. I know it’s in God’s hands and if He just wants me to speak to large groups I will, but I really believe that it is in a discipleship relationship that committed followers of Christ are developed and then they can in turn disciple others. I worked pretty much all day on my lesson on Romans until I needed to go back to the church. The idea of being more than conquerors in Christ has always been a favorite than mine. With so many making a decision for Christ that morning I felt like it was a perfect bridge to the life that they now can have in Christ. They no longer need to live in fear of anything because through Christ we have all power and nothing can separate us from Christ.

They were slightly behind schedule when I arrived, which is definitely normal for Zambians. It’s more of a surprise if they’re on schedule than behind. My afternoon talk was even better than my first – in my opinion. The youth seemed to really like the idea of having all power in Christ and knowing that nothing can separate them from His love! I challenged them to approach their lives as more than conquerors – that because they are set free in Christ they have power in His name. Keswell translated for me again and I found it even easier to find a rhythm. I want to be careful though in how I split up my sentences because even though I know where I’m going with my thought Keswell doesn’t so I want to make sure he’s translating the thought the right way so the sentence links together. It’s challenge for me to use shorter sentences though. I always had a problem with run on sentences so I think my English teachers and Enrichment teachers would be happy to know that I’m now being forced to think in and use shorter sentences.

After my afternoon talk I biked out to Namwianga again. The Jones ((Mike and Linda) had invited us to their house along with several other families to celebrate the 4th of July! They had asked me to bring a salad. The Gregersens have a huge garden out at their place and have always said that if we ever want anything to just let them know. I had phoned them and they had said to come on over so I decided to just go straight from church to their place out at Namwianga. I was almost all of the way there when a car came flying down the road towards me and ran me off the road. I tried to throw my bike to the side so I’d just land on the dirt/sand, but I couldn’t get myself out from under it in time. Of course the car didn’t stop, but continued to fly down the dirt road. There was a lady standing talking to a man down the road a little ways and she came running to help me. My left big toe had gotten jammed into the front fork and stuck between the tire and the fork. I was pretty sure it was dislocated because of the instant swelling and pain so I just yanked my foot back out hard while it was already hurting. My left knee had also felt like it buckled and that is what scared me more. My knees already give me problems and to think about tearing another ligament put me over the edge. I had kept the tears back, but after it buckled again when I tried to stand I couldn’t hold them back anymore. The lady helped me to sit down off the side of the road. I took my left sandal off and yanked on my big toe until I heard and felt it pop again. I was able to bend it again so I knew it wasn’t broken. I sat for a little bit and the lady didn’t know what to do but rub my back and tell me it was going to be okay. Some other boys came walking down the road as a man on a motorcycle came riding up the road. She flagged them all down and tried to get me to ride with the man on the motorcycle and the boys to take my bike to the guest house. I really didn’t want to ride with the man I didn’t know and I had no idea where the guest house was or how I would get my bike back if they walked off with it so I thanked the lady but said I could walk. I picked myself up, brushed all the dirt off the best I could, straightened out my bike handles until they were sort of aligned again, and started back off down the road. I biked a little bit, but walked most of the rest of the way to the Gregersens. My knee wasn’t too swollen, but some bruising had started to appear on my thigh. I am hoping I just stretched the ligaments out and didn’t actually tear anything. The Gregersens helped me inside and after I rested for awhile we went out to the garden to get the lettuce I had come for in the first place. Linda Gregersen then offered me a ride back to our house since the sun was almost already starting to set and because I had already wrecked coming to their place. I was very thankful for the offer and we made it back home just as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon.

Needless to say I made it a short evening as I was drained from speaking twice, biking so much, and wrecking my bike. I also was scheduled to speak at 10:30am the next morning at the conference again and once again was not given a specific topic to teach on. I tried to do some work on another lesson that night, but my body was tired and I was drained emotionally. I went to bed early with the idea of waking up early in the morning to work on my talk before being at church at 10:30.

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Well I must have hit snooze a couple more times than I should have because by the time I got up it was already 10am! I had just enough time to get ready and bike to church. I got there right at 10:30 and come to find out they were already half an hour behind schedule. They were just finished their second session (I was session three). Between two and three there was suppose to be a half hour break. I was relieved they still gave them a break because I thought it would give me time to prepare a lesson. On my bike ride to the church I felt like God was telling me I needing to teach on the spiritual discipline of reading the Bible. A lot of them bring their Bibles to church, but so far many of the scripture question they’d been asked after someone spoke they could not answer. When I have asked them in our youth meetings what they’ve been reading many of them say they don’t read their Bible at home or they don’t remember what they read. If the Bible isn’t personal to them how can they expect to grow in their relationship with Christ? It’s such an important discipline to learn and habit to cultivate while they are still young.

So I pulled out my notebook and started outlining a couple of points when the national youth director and assistant national youth director for the Pilgrim Wesleyan Church here in Zambia came over. They introduced themselves and I got to know a little bit about them and how they came to be in the positions they are in. They were very interested in hearing why I had come to Zambia and what I felt like God was calling me to do while I was here. I felt honored to be able to share with them, but was nervous as the conversation continue to sort of drag on because I really wanted to work on getting an outline together so my session would have focus. However, we never know how God is working and I could tell these men were very interested in hearing about how I had come to have such a passion for Zambia. We talked some and then the national youth director, Muleya Given, asked me if I would take on one of the sessions for the national youth convention in Choma that is taking place in August. I was floored. I’ve spoke to many small groups here and in America, but a national youth convention? I asked them what the schedule was and what topics they still needed speakers for. Muleya pulled out his binder and gave me a printed copy of the schedule (ah, there is organization and preparation at least at the higher levels here in Zambia J). The theme is developing a winning attitude with the passage for the weekend being Philippians 4:13. Philippians has always been one of my favorite books. The convention is a week long and throughout the week they are covering the role of youths in the 21st century church, developing a winning attitude, youth purity and HIV/AIDS, career guidance, behavioral change, courtship and marriage, unlocking your potential, developing and entrepreneurship mind, influence and team building, and effective evangelism. It sounds pretty much like a whirlwind one-week intensive course on pretty much youths' entire lives! Every day they also will have praise and worship times, times for testimonies, an evening message, sports, and celebrations. August is one of the months school is out of session. Here they have three months of school and then a month break followed by three more months of school. It seems to work well for them. So since they have all of August off of school they can come to a weeklong convention in Choma. Anyway, Muleya asked me if I would speak on influence and team building. This was even before he knew that my background is in youth ministry as well as relational communication. I really believe that learning to communicate in a team or group is a very important skill for youths to learn, as the rest of their lives will be lived in communication with other people. Success will depend a lot on their ability to communicate well with others. Also, youths many times do not realize the amount of influence they can have on those around them – whether for good or for bad. So I told Muleya I would take on the challenge of forming an hour talk on influence and team building.

I’m a little daunted by the task, but having over a month to prepare I feel will give me enough time to develop the talk God wants me to. I know it’s not up to me, which is really relieving. It’s up to God. I need to carve out the time and energy though to put into this talk. I am working on being open to what He leads me to share. I’m floored that I have been given this opportunity to speak at the national level. Just when I feel like I’m not getting anywhere – when I am wondering why on earth I am here – why I left BLAST and home and everything to come here – God shows up in such a big way. I know He is opening door and that He simply wants me to lay my life in His hands – to trust that He is leading me to where He has already been preparing the way. And even though having the opportunity to speak at a national youth convention humanly seems like a big thing God has also been convicting me that the small things – the conversations with people I see in the midst of our daily activities – they are just as important to God. I pray that I will approach every day with Jesus’ eyes – that I will see where He wants me to go, what He wants me to do, and what conversation He wants me to have – that I will be just as faithful in the small things as the big things.

Ok, that was a long rabbit trail… Back to Saturday morning and the session at the district youth conference that I did not prepare for. By the time I finished talking with the national youth workers it was almost time to start again. Since I was speaking to youths I went back to I Timothy 4:12. This was our motto basically for BLAST. The kids overwhelmingly voted for it when they had to pick a verse to be our theme verse for BLAST. It’s such a strong verse and encompasses so much about how we are to be as Christian youths in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. I decided to use the verses around it, verses 9 to 16, to teach on one way to study the Bible. I started out by reviewing my two sessions and Rob’s session from Friday. I created a link from all that we shared to the life that is available to them. We all can know God deeply and walk in His way, but we have to know the Bible to know what life He calls us to live. I shared with them that they can come to church and do everything here that is pleasing to God, but that it is just as important how they live outside of the church. To really be disciples of Christ, we must be devoted to things, which will help us know Christ more and more. One of these ways is by reading the Bible and by really understanding what it says. There are many ways to study the Bible, but one that has always been easiest for me is the Observation, Interpretation, and Application method. I used I Timothy 4:9-16 and walked through the three steps with them. There were definitely more kids on Saturday than had been there on Friday and many of them had come with Bibles and journals. It was great to watch them take notes on these three steps. I really hope that they will develop a habit of reading and studying the Bible every day. They seemed to be very interested in Timothy who, like they are, was a youth when Paul was writing to him. I challenged them to study the passage to see what the original message was for Timothy and then see how they could apply the passage to their life. The idea of setting an example in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity is definitely a challenging one, but I hope it is a challenge they take on with ambition.

I kept my talk shorter because Rob was scheduled for 11:30 so I tried to wrap up my talk by 11:45 so they’d be closer to being back on schedule. Rob shared on being free in Christ by grace and piggybacked off my talk nicely. He used the importance of reading the Bible to really know what God says. Many churches here try to tell their members that they must do enough good works – like they can earn salvation. The Zambians have a hard time understanding grace. Rob used my message about studying the Bible as his first point to challenge the youths to know what the Bible really says and not just take other people’s word for it. I left part way through his message though as I needed to get to the market to get some of the other vegetables I wanted to add to the salad I was making for the 4th of July party that afternoon.

At the vegetable stand next to Chi Chi’s Hardware I found carrots, tomatoes, and broccoli! I hadn’t seen broccoli for a couple of weeks so I was pleasantly surprised. I will say that the produce here is for the most part significantly better than anything in America. It’s just so much fresher!

I got back to the house and found out we were going to leave in a little over an hour so I started on the salad right away. I had to soak everything in bleach water first – just to make sure I got rid of anything on the vegetables. I ended up with quite a big salad of lettuce, broccoli, carrots, green peppers, spring onions, and cheese. I got done just as the Murphys were packing everything up so it worked out well. We made the trek over to Mike and Linda’s house. I’m sure we were quite the sight. I had my big backpack on and Rob had the Burley filled with bags of items for the parade the girls wanted to have, the dessert they were bringing, and pajamas/blankies/books for bedtime since we were planning on staying at the Jones’ until late. Then we also had the stroller for Isaiah and Katriya to ride in since it takes more than half an hour walking to get to the Jones’. We all made it though and just in time to see most of the South Africa vs. Britain/Ireland rugby game! Another couple that the Jones’ have introduced us to, Yako and Amber, had come for the 4th of July party with 4 other people who are staying with them. Yako and a couple of the other people are from South Africa so they were very involved in watching the game. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a rugby game, but I found it easy to quickly get back into it! It made me miss some of my boys from home who use to play though. It makes me wonder how they’re doing and what they’re up to these days.

After the game was over the girls had everything ready for their parade. Christa had painted their faces and they were dressed up in costumes. They had Rob bike around the yard with the Burley attached to the bike. They had strung cans on the back so they’d clang along the ground and Rob bikes and had decorated the Burley with signs and toilet paper ribbons. It was quite the sight. They had made noisemakers for all us adults to shake and bang as they went by. It was quite the long parade because they wanted all their stuffed animals and dolls to be in the parade so it required many trips back and forth across the yard to get everyone through the parade! At the end they threw Tootsie Rolls to everyone – even the Zambians who had gathered to see what all the commotion was about! Rob even took Isaiah’s toy fire truck around the parade route at the end. It was pretty funny. It was nice to have a party for the 4th… it helped it feel more like home. We had hamburgers, hotdogs, salads, baked beans, and lots of dessert. The kids watched TV until they fell asleep and most of the adults played a silly animal game called Kaboinks.

I was pretty tired again… I think my body isn’t back to 100% just quite yet so I bowed out from playing the game and instead talked with Paul on the phone and then watched a movie on TV. It’s interesting that Zambians here will get a TV and satellite, but will run it off of a car battery and inverter. It makes me wonder how much influence the Western world has had on countries like Zambia that we just don’t realize. And they have all kinds of channels – including MTV, VH1, and the E Network. It makes me wonder if they realize all of America isn’t like what they see on TV. It saddens me too that these messages are being absorbed by Zambians – I wonder how it will impact the younger generations that are growing up with tribal beliefs and yet at the same time are trying to mimic the life they see portrayed on TV. Technology advancements are scary sometimes when I look at cultures such as the Tonga. All of it is so new to them and coming so fast. I wonder who will teach them how to process all these new mass media messages. We as Americans have a hard enough time learning how to process them and not accept all of them just whole-heartedly. It’s a challenge to really process what the message you’re being fed is and whether or not you accept it as true within your worldview. To have all these messages flooding cultures such as the Tonga people here in Zambia – I wonder how much they’ve had the chance to be taught how to process so many messages. The world is shrinking quickly. I am afraid that these people are going to be caught in the tidal wave – will they lose their cultural identity – will their problems get worse as the mass media promotes casual sex as acceptable and even good – how will we preach the Good News in a way that meets people where they are at and how will it stand out against the mass media? One of the things I was looking forward to about being here was not having to compete with popular culture portrayed by mass media – and yet I find it’s coming here fast and without the same education that we as Americans take for granted I find myself very concern for how these people will process the messages presented on TV.

Wow – another long rabbit trail… This is how I spend some of my days here though. There’s so much to process as I see more and more of the culture here. I want to be relevant in my talks while at the same time holding to the everlasting Truth. Some days I don’t feel like I’m doing a whole lot, but then I look back at my journal and I realize that even when I’m just sitting around my mind is going a mile a minute it seems. My heart breaks for these people sometimes as I see how the “improvements” of the Western world may cause so much more hurt… and how fast that hurt may be coming down the road toward them. And yet at the same time the culture here is so far behind in things that would help them so much… like medical treatments, surgeries, knowledge, and the like… I think it’s harder even for Christa because she’s a doctor. I’m sure she sees even more than I do that seems like it should be so simple to change or move forward medically in.

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Anyway, Sunday was church again. The youth conference kids were still there so it was again a VERY packed church service. They brought living room furniture in to the front of the church for us to sit in. I sometimes wish they wouldn’t do things like that for us. We already stick out enough as it is. I bring my camping chair that folds up with me to church so I have a chair to sit in, but they still insist on us sitting up front some weeks. It’s hard for Isaiah and Katriya to sit still for the 3 hours church normally is too so being up front makes them more of a spectacle as well. L Since the youth were there for the conference and with Pastor Richwell now being gone, Rob was asked to preach for the main service. He spoke on the idea of being free from the law because of grace. He did a great job. You can read about his message on the Murphy’s blog at www.africaschild.info and clicking on the blog link. After church we had Mrs. Samboko over for lunch. Rob and Christa know her from their first trip to Zambia back in 1997. She’s a very sweet lady and we had a nice lunch with her. Her sons are the ones who play the keyboards at the church… I think every week they find a way to crank their various assortment of speakers up louder. It’s actually kind of painful now. Hopefully some day we can teach them that louder does not always mean better contrary to popular Zambian belief!

Sunday afternoon we all took a nap. I was very grateful for the nap, as we had been out late at the Jones’ the night before. In the evening I watched a movie and talked with Paul. I’m enjoying actually having a Sabbath again. I use to try to make Mondays my Sabbath back home, but I usually would end up doing errands all day on Mondays. The difference actually having a Sabbath every week is very noticeable. I just feel refreshed in a different way when I purposefully take one day a week to just rest. I feel it is something that is missing in America that would bring so much more to everyone’s life.

Ok, so now I’m finally caught up… well caught up to when I started writing this blog. Ha! My Momma keeps telling me she likes my mini novels. This one may just be a novel in itself though. I’m writing in Microsoft Word and then copying and pasting it into my blog and so far I’m most of the way through page TWENTY-TWO and this is all single-spaced! I never was one for concise sentences or short stories. At least none of you can say you don’t know what’s going on in my life. J

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So Monday I got a chance to do some writing. I felt well enough to actually sit at my computer and type for a few hours straight. J It’s crazy how a headache can slow you down so much and take you away from doing things you really like. I’ve missed my writing, but I just couldn’t look at the screen for any extended period of time so I didn’t really feel like even starting to write if I knew I couldn’t really get into it too much before I couldn’t look at the screen anymore.

I’ve been processing something pretty scary for me though. I’ve been asking God what He wants me to do while I am here in Zambia. Something that’s been coming to my mind over and over is this idea of writing. Now I use to be terrified of public speaking, but now I love it – and I love it because I know it’s not me in my own power and ability talking, but rather God talking through me… as long as I surrender it all to Him and take the time to prepare with Him. But writing has always been a different thing. For school assignments it always came easy and I enjoyed it, but I did not feel like much of what I would write was as captivating, moving, enthralling, compelling, or whatever else as much as books that I’ve read. It was okay, but nothing special. However, since being here I’ve picked back up my writing (as I’m sure you can tell with how long these blog entries are). Ha! But I can’t shake this feeling that maybe I’m suppose to write while I am here. Who am I though to write? And especially about what God has put on my heart – one of my biggest reasons in coming here is to teach on purity as HIV/AIDS is a huge problem here and the biggest way it is being transmitted is by people having sex with one another. But who am I to write on purity??? My life is not the model example of it. I have failed time and time again. Yet it is what I am passionate about now – it is what I feel God has called me here to teach… and teach to others in a way that they can then teach it to others. But to write - really God? So I’ve tried to avoid it… avoid talking to others about writing about purity… avoid writing all together (hence why I haven’t updated since the middle of June)… avoid reading material on purity. Yet, God keeps bringing it back around. Whether by Mampi asking me for books on relationships or by Linda Gregersen asking me if I still wanted to teach about purity at Namwianga or by Rob and Christa asking me what God’s been putting on my heart lately or by bringing people from my past back to my mind… I should know better than trying to run from God – especially since I sacrificed everything to Him in coming here and told Him I surrendered my life to Him. You think I would have learned… sometimes my stubborn nature gets the best of me. So starting Monday I really started to seek God’s will and guidance about it. I would treasure all of your prayers for me as I work through this idea… that I would be faithful in following God as long as He opens doors down this path and if He does close the door on this idea that I will let it go and see where He wants me to go next. I know that all I need to do is be faithful in the one next thing. I don’t need to see the whole path laid out before me. God wants me to be faithful in just taking the next step and then He will reveal the next step after that. It’s hard, but that’s the journey called faith and walking where He lights the path at our feet will bring us a fuller life than we can ever imagine.

Monday evening I was doing some writing before dinner when I started to hear a crackling noise coming from outside. I came into the other side of the house because Shamariah was screaming LOUDLY and Isaiah was also crying. Acacia and Christianna were plastered to the kitchen window that looks into the backyard and Katriya was trying to climb up onto a stool to be able to look out the window, too. Out our back windows raged a substantial brush fire. Here farmers burn their land after the harvest to fertilize the ground. It’s a pretty scary practice though as it frequently gets out of control because of the high winds here. I guess what had happened in this case was that a couple of kids were playing with matches and started the fire. It was spreading very quickly toward our backyard and with only a grass fence as a boundary it looked like all of our fence, yard, and garden might go up in flames. Rob, Christa, Brian, and our two guards were outside furiously trying to slash down the grass near our fence to make a fire barrier. The guards said that in the villages if a fire started burning out of control they would light a back fire that way the fire would burn itself out. I thought about going out to help them, but by this point I was having Isaiah and Katriya hanging onto me as well as Shamariah in my arms. Christa was standing around waiting for the water to fill pails and then would transport them back and forth to the fence to try to keep it wet. I figured I was being a better help staying in inside and keeping the kids calm and the baby happy. Rob ran inside and got a lighter to start the back fire once they had slashed enough grass to make a path between the field and our fence. It was pretty hot as we could feel the heat even at the windows and the flames kept licking higher as it caught the tall grass on fire and was blown by the wind. Thankfully the back fire worked and the men were able to contain the fire until it burnt itself out. It was a pretty intense half an hour. It’s sad to see so much land burned here. It makes sense for farmers to do it, but when it gets out of control or kids start it by playing with matches the beauty of the land is lost. It makes me wonder sometimes about the cost of the advancements the Western world has brought to countries like Zambia.

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Tuesday I was suppose to call Mr. Simuuba who is the principal at the secondary school at Namwianga. They have juniors which are grade 8 and 9 and then seniors which are grade 10, 11, and 12. Linda Gregersen arranged the meeting for me so I could see what the next step in teaching about sexual purity at Namwianga would be. I called him and he said he was on his way in to his office and he would be available to meet with me. I got my things together and made the half hour bike ride out to Namwianga. I wasn’t sure where his office was, but found it without too much wandering. He was so happy to meet with me. He shared about the school and students. The students are mainly taught about reproduction, anatomy, how you can get pregnant, what you need to do when you’re pregnant, the diseases that can come from having sex with multiple partners, ages that you’re able to have babies, changes your body experiences in adolescents, and then there is a little teaching about abstinence and the harm there is in having casual sex. Most of it is focused on the physical side of sex. I asked him they teach about the emotional and mental side of sex and changes you experience during adolescence. He said no – that all they have really taught on is the physical side. Those students who do share about being sexually molested when they were younger or are engaging in casual sex they talk with one on one… but that is if they come forward and share about their life on their own… and that is very rare here. So most times they teach on the physical side because that is all that anyone offers to teach on.

He then asked me to share about myself and what it was I wanted to teach and why. I told him a quick overview of my life as it relating to my passion to teach about sexual purity. In particular I really want to teach about the emotional and mental side of experimenting with sex before marriage. Women are wired to put their entire selves into sex – not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. And for those who are molested there are emotional and mental repercussions. Women cannot separate themselves emotionally and mentally from what they do physically so even though they may claim to be just experimenting and having fun their actions affect their entire being. We place so much focus and attention on teaching about the physical parts that change, the physical diseases, and throw in a few verses. Yet so much of what females deal with is not physical. Purity that Christ calls us to is in mind, heart, and body. To believe in Christ is to live as He calls us to – and that includes our sexual lives. God designed sex to be a wonderful gift to be shared between a married husband and wife – not just between any two people that feel an attraction to each other or feel that is what is expect of them by their peers. My passion is to share with them the fullness that is found only in Christ, not in the arms of another teenager or anything that the world may try to offer. I long for them to know the freedom that living lives of purity gives them – that it frees them not only from having children before marriage and diseases which may lead to their physical death, but also freedom from the psychological and emotional baggage that comes with experimenting before marriage. I don’t want to just teach them what they already know though. I want to build off of what they’ve already been taught. But in order to do that I need to talk with the students and teachers first to hear from them what they already know and what issues are important to them. I want to teach in a way that promotes discussion and allows each girl to take to heart what they learn – to apply it to their lives in practical ways that helps them live as Christ’s children in every area of their life.

As I shared Mr. Simuuba’s smile grew bigger. When I finished he told me that I am an answer to prayer. He sometimes just sits in his office praying for a way to be able to reach their female students; to help them make lasting changes that penetrate to the core of who they are. He said anything that I want to do at Namwianga they would like me to do. I told him that I really wanted to first learn from the teachers and students. Since they are finishing their term soon and beginning end of term exams now would be a great time to just have informal meetings with teachers and a handful of students. Then I would have August to be able to write a curriculum and then start teaching when the new term starts in September. Mr. Simuuba said whatever I would like to do. This week the students are on break, but he invited me to come back on Monday to start meeting some of the key teachers and to get to see the students.

98% of their students are boarding students at Namwianga so some still stay over breaks if they don’t have enough travel money. One of the students who was still at campus is a girl named Helen. She is 16 and in grade 10. Mr. Simuuba thought she would be a good first contact for me. She often comes to him when there are problems among the students so that they can be solved instead of allowed to fester. He said she would be able to give me an accurate description of the student body – what issues they deal with and how many of them are already experimenting sexually. He sent another girl to go find Helen and then I got the chance to sit down and talk with her for about an hour. She’s a great girl and I can tell that having the opportunity to come to Namwianga for school has changed her for the better in so many areas. I got to know about her family and her life and then shared about mine. She was a little shy at first about answering my questions, but the longer we talked the more she started to open up. I found out from her that they’ve really never been taught about the emotional side of sex. Once again my heart ached within me – to think that these girls are allowing boys to just use them without even realizing until later the emotional scars it also carries with it. I desperately want them to know their emotions are valid and have value; that sex isn’t just a physical act, but something that God created for humans that involves one’s entire self.

After I finished meeting with Helen and I jumped on my bike to head back home. It was already 5pm and the sun starts to set right around 6 so I knew I needed to get a move on getting home. I ended up walking parts of the way home because my knee was feeling a little swollen and tired by this point.

When I got home I found out that the girls had caught two chameleons. One they named Mousy and the other Dragon. They are such interesting little creatures. Zambians are terrified of them. I’m not sure where it comes from, but they think they are deadly – that their tongues and tails are razor sharp and can kill you. The neighbor kids run away screaming if we even just pick one up. The smaller one, Dragon, has a couple of war wounds. He’s (we think it’s a he, but how do you really know with a chameleon?) definitely skittish around the kids, but he’s taken quite the liking to me. I’ll stick my hand out to him and he’ll crawl right up my arm and up my head until he finds a comfy spot on my head and he’ll just chill out there. Or if I’m walking around he likes to wrap himself around one of my thumbs. The other day he even took a nap on my hand. They’re quite entertaining. Once again I am just amazed at all the details that God put into all of creation. The intricacies that only a loving Father could imagine to put in to the littlest of creation – it makes me grow more and more in awe of Him.

On Tuesday I also made an effort to find out where we were at with the satellite system. It’s just sitting in a warehouse in Lusaka now… costing us more every day to get out with storage fees. But it’s cheaper than paying the $1400 or so we’d need to pay without the customs charges clear. I had hoped that we’d be proactive about getting it out, but apparently “it’s Africa,” which I guess means everything takes longer. Sometimes I’m okay with it, but other times I feel like just saying it’s Africa doesn’t excuse not doing our part to do things, which need to get done. So I pressed the issue a little bit… partly also because of how much work and time and money people close to me have put into trying to get the satellite system here. Well come to find out that you also have to ask just the right questions to get the real answers that you are actually after. We had been told before we needed the right paperwork to give to a guy from Namwianga who is their IT guy. He said it was paperwork their business office at Namwianga didn’t have ready in time before he went up the other week. Well come to find out that as of June 1st all non-profit non-governmental organizations had to reapply for their VAT number. Basically the way anything is duty free for us is if it comes through a recognized NGO, but as of June 1st everyone had to reapply for the NGO status. Well apparently Namwianga hasn’t applied for their new vat number yet. We have no idea what the application all entails, when it’ll be done, when it’ll be file, when it’ll be approved… and then with all that time passing, how much it will cost us in storage to have our satellite system just sit in Lusaka. I’m quite frustrated and discouraged about all of this for many reasons. One I guess is organizational… I love details and love making sure everything is taken care of and in line so the idea of not filing paperwork irks me. Also, had communication taken place before we left we could have ordered the satellite system in May and had it here before this new screwy law got passed in June that made all NGOs have to reapply for new VAT numbers. I just hate when things aren’t taken care of in proper timing and how delays seem to create new problems, which then makes everything take longer. So basically we now need to decide if we’re going to ‘nicely’ push Namwianga to get their paperwork in and try to figure out how long this whole ordeal of getting a new VAT number will take or if we’re going to try to come up with the $1400 or so dollars to get our satellite system out. I need prayer on this one big time. Patience has always been a tricky thing for me… and I need an attitude of gratitude as my Momma says in my relationships with everyone involved in this process. I just keep getting my hopes up of being able to video chat with everyone from home that I miss oh so much as well as upload pictures and videos so everyone can see what amazing things God is doing here… and every time I feel like we get close we hit another obstacle. So yea, it may be a few months before we get the satellite unless we find a way to come up with the $1400.

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On Wednesday I biked to town to get groceries and ended up meeting a lot of people who are here for Namwianga’s Medical Mission. Namwianga’s been having a month long medical mission for I don’t know how many years now. Now it’s grown to maybe sixty people or something like that that fly in for basically the month of July. They go on four different trips. They spend four days in one village, then one day back at Namwianga, and then four days at another village. They repeat that pattern until they visit four different villages. They do medical work, but also do VBS for the kids and Bible study/teaching times for the older youths and adults. I’m hoping to be able to go with them on one of their trips – just to continue learning how other people are doing missions work here. Anyway, I got to the Mini Mart and there were more white people that Zambians. It was a little odd although I think I freaked the Namwianga people out more because I came riding in on my bike. It was weird for them to see another white person living as the Zambians do I think. The people at the store I have gotten to know pretty well by now. They get so excited when I come by and I’ve enjoyed getting to know them.

When I got back to the house Christa let me know they were going to Namwianga again if I wanted to come with. Since I had been feeling better for a while I decided that I would. I quickly ate some lunch and then sat and waited for Megan to come. It seems to be the pattern here – hurry up and wait. Apparently they had to take some of the babies to one of the hospitals for testing so they were late coming to pick us up. We all piled into the van and spent a couple of hours at the orphanage. I got to hold Seth, Peter, Donna, and Cintia this time while I also got to play with several others who are big enough now to crawl around or at least scoot themselves along the floor. Peter and Seth are the two that touch my heart the most. Seth is still tiny, but he’s becoming more responsive. I got him to laugh this time and he wrinkled his nose several times when I tickled him. Peter is the little guy whose name I couldn’t remember from last time. I had fed him last time and then he aspirated it all back out all over me. I felt so bad for him. He’s pretty small as well, but isn’t HIV positive – at least that we know of. He gains weight and then loses it again. This time he was down in weight again and he was congested in his chest. There were times while I held him that he had to work harder to breathe. He also had a bit of a fever. My heart just went out to him. His eyes were a little more responsive this time, but he seemed like he just couldn’t find a spot in my arms that was comfortable for him. Yet, he definitely did not want to be put down. Christa was doing rounds so I put him down in his bed for her to exam him. He was much happier to be picked up again after she was done. It’s hard to leave them at the end of the afternoon. Why do they have to struggle so much and be in pain? They’re just babies – they don’t understand pain and suffering like we as adults can. I wonder what goes through their little minds. As I hold each of them I just pray over them – that God will protect and heal them – that they will know they are precious in God’s sight and that they will be able to grow up and lead full, happy lives.

It’s harder leaving Namwianga every time I’m there. I know there are things that need to improve even there, but my heart is growing bigger for all of them there. It’s hard thinking about the way I’ve lived back at home, too. How much stuff do I really need? These people live on so little and yet they have more joy in simple things then many people in America ever find. Every day is just appreciated so much more here – at least I hope so. They seem to appreciate just the little things – the stopping to have a conversation with them when I see them in town – the waves and smiles when we’re driving by on our way in or out of the bush – the small gifts of food when they come to visit – all of it they just seem to treasure in their hearts. It’s really been convicted lately of how much we in America think we need – and most of it is just for our entertainment. If we all did with just a little bit less how much more would we have to meet the actual needs of others? My mind was spinning for most of the evening wondering how we can be blind to these needs – just because I grew up not seeing these needs I lived like they didn’t exist. There are so many organizations though and with the Internet it’s hard to imagine how anyone in the Western world can claim to not know of the real problems many developing nations are facing. I think it hits me harder now because I have actual names and faces of kids who are struggling so hard to just live to the age of two.

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On Thursday, the 9th, we were suppose to go with Mike and Linda to Mapampi (sp?) where their orphanage is. I got up early to make sure I had breakfast (and coffee J) and to pack my lunch. We sat around and waited for them to come. After awhile either Christa called them or they called us. Some how communication had broken down and they never heard that we wanted to go with them for sure so they can already left. The kids were quite disappointed, but I knew God was just giving us other things to do for that day. I ended up getting quite a lot of journaling done and spent the morning into early afternoon just hanging out with God. There are days when it feels good just to relax with Him. Of course it was also my day to make dinner so by early afternoon I got to work on that. One of my favorite foods at home is chicken and dumplings. I’ve never made dumplings by hand though so I’ve put off trying to make it here. One of my bigger fears is having one of my dinners turn out just really bad. I don’t want to disappoint any one and having a dinner turn out bad I feel would just really not be good… usually the kids are getting tired by dinner time and they’ve come to look forward to Abbie’s Thursday dinners as they say so yea… I was nervous about making it, but I really have wanted chicken ‘n’ dumplings for quite awhile now. It didn’t look that hard to make – just enough prep time to let the chicken simmer long enough to be tender.

Well the chicken and the dumplings turned out just fine… The problem was with the sauce. It just didn’t get thick like it is suppose to. I did have to use the substitute sour cream of dessert cream and vinegar… It just didn’t thicken up like it was suppose to. Everyone loved it still though. It was probably one of my better dinners. Christa had never even had dumplings before. They turned out remarkably easy to make. I was nervous, but the recipe I had seemed simple enough and they did turn out like they were suppose to! Yay! J Rob even said that he feels like I need to do dinner twice a week because having me cook only once a week really isn’t utilizing my gifts. Haha. I don’t know if I’ll really do twice a week, but it was a really nice compliment. Having to only cook for everyone just once a week also allows me to put time and thought into it. If I had to do it every day for all 7 people (and 8 now with Brian here) I think I may lose some of my creativity or make dishes that require less time. It’s been awhile since I’ve had to cook for so many people. I imagine doing it every day makes it tiring some time. I do like cooking though and am finding it fun to try things from scratch. It’s funny what we discover about ourselves when we’re forced to live differently – without all the luxuries we’ve always been afforded.

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Wow so I think I’m finally caught up. I can actually say today and mean it… well almost. It’s actually 12:21am on Saturday but for all you Americans it’s still only Friday so it sort of counts. J I haven’t gone to sleep yet so technically it’s still Friday to me. Today, Mike and Linda ended up needing to go back to Mapampi because one of the dresser/cabinet pieces was finished for one of the houses at the orphanage plus the house mothers needed some more food that Linda finds for really good prices when they go up to Choma. So they called us and asked us if we wanted to go with them today. Christianna is sick again – poor girl; she’s been throwing up pretty much every half an hour apparently – so Rob stayed home with her, but the rest of us (including Brian) went with them to Mapampi. Once again they had the lorry with them, which meant we had to stand in the bed of the lorry except for Isaiah and Katriya who rode up front with Mike and Linda. Shamariah even rode in the back as she was wrapped in her baby katan on Christa’s chest with a shatange wrapped around on top to keep the dust and some of the noise out. It is about an hour and half ride out to their orphanage and the road has gotten considerably worse. So many big trucks come in and out as transport for the Zambians coming into town from the bush and then taking them back out that the roads have gotten bigger and bigger pot holes as the road is just a dirt/sand pathway. Some places have had so much travel on them that the road has become pretty much like rock, but it never lasts for long. It is a pretty serious workout for your legs and your arms. There were a couple of times I almost got whacked in the face with a branch as well when I’d be looking out the back of the lorry and we’d come upon a tree area quickly. When we got there I was disappointed to learn all the older kids had gone into one of the villages for ball games. The main reason I came with was to see the kids again and to be able to play football again. The house mothers were very happy to see me again and even remembered my name. We gave Christa, Brian, and the kids a tour of the orphanage and community school nearby. I even got some good videotape footage of the younger kids in school doing math. We were only there for an hour before we needed to get on the road back so we could get home before the sun set. My body is quite tired now! I pretty much had an intensive three-hour workout and it’s not like you can just quit and take a break. The lorry doesn’t stop just because you get tired of holding on or trying to keep your balance on the big bumps! I want to get this up and posted so people quit asking me when I’m going to post again or what is going on. I miss everyone so so much. I will try to update again soon. Love you all.

By His Grace & For His Glory,
Abbie Morehead

My Year In Zambia

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Quick Update :)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Finally Finished With This Crazy Long Update! June 16 - July 10, 2009

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